Find My Kids app is basically AirTags for your offspring

Who even buys their children an Apple Watch?

Comment There comes a time when every parent will glance up from their mobile device or busy work schedule and take a moment to ask: "Where are my kids?"

Well, as the hackneyed marketing slogan goes, there's an app for that.

It's called Find My Kids, and this week it announced a new collaboration with Apple Watch. It claims to be the first third-party developer's child safety app approved for integration by Apple on its popular, wearable smart device.

"Once installed on an Apple Watch, the child-safety application works autonomously, with or without the child's phone connected. This is the first time an Apple Watch device can share its location with phones outside the Apple ecosystem," the company said in a helpful media missive.

The app is designed for children of six years and older so the developers clearly imagine it is possible that a seven-year-old could be the proud owner of Apple's eponymous wrist-based device, which can start from around $400 new.

Taking another bold leap into our collective dystopian future, Find My Kids includes a built-in pedometer. And there's more. "In order to motivate children to do some physical activity, the app for Apple Watch has a gamified Pedometer which encourages children to walk more throughout the day," the company explained.

Quite where they are expected to walk in a world so dangerous it requires them to be virtually connected to their parents at all times, we don't know, but parents who can afford an Apple Watch for each child must have extensive grounds surrounding their homes, presumably with electric fencing punctuated by watchtowers.

A side benefit for parents is that they will get to review their child's whereabouts over a 30-day history, specifically important to establishing life-long trusted relationships between generations.

The Find My Kids app will trigger Critical Notification, which rings a loud signal to tell parents that their child could be in trouble, even if their phone is turned off.

The app's collab with Apple Watch comes the same week as the launch of the Rezvani Vengeance SUV – which includes pepper spray-enabled rear-view mirrors, underbody explosion shielding and bulletproof glass, which looks like, but isn't, an SNL parody.

Vadikh Giniatulin, CEO at Find My Kids, says: "Our company's mission is to make sure parents raise happy kids in a safe environment. We're constantly ensuring the best performance of our product, so any integration with the latest gadgets is just a matter of time."

In a world where every piece of IT kit – including Apple's – is accompanied by less than perfect security, it's tempting to add to the app maker's moniker. Find My Kids — before somebody else does™. ®