Child-devouring pothole will never hurt a BMW driver again

Unfortunately...

Drivers the length of Great Britain will sympathize with residents of Canning Town in London who, until Sunday, were believed to host the deepest pothole in the country.

How deep are we talking? Well, if you dropped a child in, good luck getting them back.

The folk of Rogers Road have been struggling with the chasm ever since it appeared after the street was resurfaced two years ago.

As the residents tell it, several attempts were made to seal the breach yet the possibly sentient entity would eventually return, deeper and hungrier than before – reaching a depth of 5ft last week.

Now, forgive us if we're overstepping our bounds as an IT publication, but we thought resurfacing was supposed to prevent potholes, not cause them.

Anecdotal tales suggest the beast had developed an appetite for BMW drivers and Deliveroo couriers, wrecking at least one motor and sending a hapless e-bike rider flying.

The Register feels the pain of anyone injured in the line of duty to bring us artery-clogging treats, but BMW drivers can do one.

Thanks to the typical inertia of local government, in this case Newham Council, residents resorted to sticking cones around the gaping maw lest any children did actually fall in, forever lost to the realms of Tír na nÓg.

We doff our cap to 41-year-old Dean Hope, a 5ft 6 gas engineer who risked life and limb to demonstrate the depth of the fissure – it sure beats the local news standard of some busybody squatting and pointing.

"I got in it as a joke but it isn't funny to motorists," he said. "I wouldn't have wanted to drive over that in my car. It would have ripped half my suspension off. We are all paying taxes for these things to be fixed – but they just aren't being fixed. If someone had hit this they could have really been hurt."

However, over the weekend, a pencil-necked desk jockey finally pulled their thumb out and sent some contractors over to exorcise the abyss. The shock was palpable. "It's certainly one of the worst potholes I've ever come across," said worker Paul Morris.

Newham Council was indignant. "This is not a pothole. A 5ft deep sinkhole appeared overnight," a spokesman said.

"This has been made safe while we wait for the concrete to set. Once it is, we will resurface the road, completing it by the end of April."

Yeah, we'll see about that. The episode reminds of that time a portal to Hell opened up in York, but honestly the Chasm of Canning Town puts it to shame.

No children were harmed in the making of this article. ®