BOFH: Videoconferencing for special dummies

Can't question the documentation if there is no documentation

Episode 16 I think I'm losing my will to live. I'm working on documenting a new videoconferencing unit we've installed in a "state-of-the-art" mini conference room. I use quotes, not because the videoconferencing unit doesn't have some superb features, but because those features will never get used.

It's not that I hate new equipment, it's just that new equipment always brings new problems.

I could document all the great features – along with the settings and cable configurations for each use case – but I've found that brevity in documentation is devoutly to be wished.

"There's a tipping point in documentation," I explain to the PFY, "where supplying more information is counterproductive. For instance, my documentation currently states that the user should plug the videoconferencing USB cable and the TV HDMI into their laptop. Any more than that is asking for trouble."

"Don't those screens have wireless connectivity?" the PFY asks. "You could skip the HDMI step."

"SHH!" I snap. "They do have wireless connectivity; however, the company has a rigorous purchasing policy for electronic equipment, which seems to involve a combination of dart and Ouija boards – meaning we never get two monitors from the same manufacturer. And, as you know, the wireless connectivity standards field has more cowboys in it than a line dancing event at a denim factory. Some screens talk to some equipment, some don't."

"So we just leave that bit out then?" he asks.

"Definitely. I'm not wasting half a page on how to troubleshoot screen sharing – because then I'll have to waste another half page on where to find screen sharing in the Start menu, depending on which operating system they're using, and THEN I'll have to create another full page for Mac users who feel that they are being treated like second-class citizens – because they are second-class citizens."

"OK now," the PFY says, making calming noises and gesturing peaceful body language at me. "So we'll just stick with the two line instruction set – plug the USB and HDMI cables in."

"Yes."

"Should you maybe suggest they turn the screen on?" he asks.

He has a point. On the one hand, any idiot knows to turn the screen on – but on the other hand our idiots are special.

"OK," I say, inserting a new first step to the documentation.

"And I take it the videoconferencing unit is always on?" he asks.

"Yes."

"And you know that people are going to think that we're secretly recording their meetings?"

"It was the lesser of two evils," I confess.

"Meaning?"

"If they have to turn the VC unit on, they'll have to wait about a minute while it boots – but at the 30-second mark they'll be calling to tell us it's not working."

"True," the PFY admits.

"Now the unit did come with a lens cap, but I threw that away because …"

"Because you'd have to add removing the lens cap to the instructions – and then you'd have to label the lens cap with the words LENS CAP so that they'd know what it was."

"Precisely," I say, "because our people are idiots."

"So … I think we're done," I say pressing SEND.

…

Fifteen minutes later, the Boss is in Mission Control.

"Just one thing with those instructions," he starts.

"Mmm?"

"Well, the sticker on the front of the unit says it has echo cancelling."

"Yes," I reply.

"Well, I can still hear an echo."

"Which videoconferencing app are you using?"

"Oh, not on the app. I mean in the room. I can hear a bit of an echo from the office noise."

"On it!" the PFY says, ducking out of the room.

…

Two minutes later, he's back.

"Sorted it out," he says.

"So the echo cancelling is working now?"

"No, I pulled the sticker off the front."

"Oh. So does that mean that, uuuhhhhm …" the Boss says, searching his short-term memory for a feature that caught his eye.

"It means that screen sharing – where two people can use the same screen for different things – doesn't work. And you can't use real-time chat mode to have a quiet conversation in the room without the people at the other end hearing, and dynamic presentation mode doesn't improve the color scheme and quality of your PowerPoint slides," the PFY sighs.

"I …"

"You can't use speaker tracking to find stolen audio gear," I add, "and when they say the unit is a game-changer they don't mean it's going to add better sounds to Minesweeper."

"No, I wasn't going to ask about that. I was going to ask what I do if I want to run the videoconference from the back of the room. The cables are quite short."

"Yes, they're quite short because long cables can be a trip hazard, but also because long cables have compatibility problems."

"But they might work," the Boss suggests.

"On it!" the PFY says.

…

"Sorted it out," the PFY says, a minute later.

"You replaced the cables?" the Boss asks.

"No, I put an HDMI and USB extension cable in the room with a label on them that says that they probably won't work."

"I see. But the other thing I noticed is that my laptop doesn't have the right connections."

"Yes, but we bought you a dongle with the laptop so that you could use standard USB and HDMI ports."

"Yes, but what do I do if I don't have it with me?"

"Probably the same thing you'd do if you didn't have your laptop with you," I suggest.

"On it!" the PFY sighs.

…

"Sorted!" he says, ten minutes later. "And I also updated the documentation."

"That was quick!" the Boss says, impressed. "Where's the documentation?"

"Here," the PFY says, handing over a blank sheet of paper. "Unfortunately, there were some hardware compatibility issues."

"Were you using a Mac?"

"No, just this hammer. Apparently, the Breakout Room feature is incompatible with breaking out the wall of a room."

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