Want to play billionaire for a day? This app lets you rent your own armed goon squad

Black Escalade motorcade sold separately - of course

Need to turn heads and burn cash while out on the town? A new app lets you hire armed bodyguards to escort you around - chauffeur included - provided you're in Los Angeles or New York City.

Protector's mobile app officially launched yesterday on the Apple App Store. It's recent surge in popularity is largely due to a pair of TikTok influencers who hyped the service in multiple videos earlier this month. The app promises to send users out into the world accompanied by one or more armed military and/or law enforcement veterans to keep them safe - at a price. 

Described as "Uber with guns" by serial entrepreneur and Protector investor/adviser Nikita Bier, the app is currently ranked as the No. 13 free app in the Travel category of the Apple App Store (no word on an Android version) despite only being available in NYC and LA.

According to Protector's App Store page, users can book one or more armed bodyguards and also arrange for multiple black Cadillac Escalades to create a motorcade for transportation. The attire of the "Protectors" is customizable (business formal, business casual, or "tactical casual"). 

You even get to play the dress-a-goon minigame before booking! - Click to enlarge

Naturally, that protection doesn't come cheap. Booking a single protector runs users $100 an hour - with a minimum booking of five hours - and that doesn't include the $129 annual membership fee needed to simply gain access to the service. Additional services, such as extra security personnel or specialized measures, can increase the overall cost.

Protector founder and CEO Nick Sarath, a former Facebook (now Meta) product designer, described his new service as a way to democratize personal protection for those unable to hire a full-time bodyguard detail. 

"Private security should be fast and easy, not clunky or stressful," said Sarath. "Protector redefines what it means to feel safe in the world today."

Protector, per the startup's media kit, will serve as an update to a "stagnant" personal protection industry "with complex booking processes, excessive sales procedures and unclear pricing." 

"Ultra high-profile individuals like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos have dedicated full-time protection teams, but for most people, navigating security options is more challenging than it should be," a Protector spokesperson told The Register in an email.

The biz told us that it plans to expand to Miami, Washington, DC, and San Francisco in the future, but didn't provide a timetable. 

Accelerated to market

According to Sarath's LinkedIn page, Protector was founded in October of last year.  It's not clear when the company planned to launch its app, but Protector announced an accelerated launch following the murder of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson in New York City.

While expressing condolences to Thompson's family, Sarath framed the tragedy as an example of why Protector is needed.

"We rely on law enforcement to keep us safe, but they cannot be everywhere at once," Sarath said. "Protector is designed to support the goals of law enforcement and will provide an accessible way for people to protect themselves and their loved ones."

A post to X the same day, Protector shared a video suggesting "how a Protector may have changed the outcome" of Thompson's murder.

"Our trained and highly experienced team is ready to help provide enhanced security to all citizens as soon as we launch," Sarath said in December - provided they can afford it. 

Crowdsource your paranoia

While Protector is live in the Apple App Store now, the startup's other project, Patrol, is slated to launch next week. Unlike Protector, which focuses on individual protection, Patrol enables neighborhoods to collectively hire private security officers to monitor their communities.

The idea behind Patrol is straightforward: residents can pool funds to employ one of Protector's private security (the same individuals appear in promotional material for both apps) - armed, naturally - to patrol the neighborhood, providing an added sense of security and a visible deterrent to potential threats. 

A sample of the Protector/Patrol goon squad available for hire - Click to enlarge

This is expensive, of course, so the app lets users invite their neighbors to contribute to a pool of cash to keep the Protectors on the road. The more money a neighborhood contributes, the more features it unlocks - like drones, connected security cameras and the like. 

The Patrol app features real-time mapping, push notifications to inform users when their rent-a-cop is on patrol, and even the capability to report suspicious non-emergency activity to their private neighborhood guard instead of the actual police.

Patrol will launch in Los Angeles and will be available for both short- and long-term bookings. Like Protector, this assumes a neighborhood can afford it - and won't just roll their eyes at a neighbor trying to crowdfund their paranoia. ®