User demanded a 'wireless' computer and was outraged when its battery died

Abusive manager had to be told there's no such thing as an atomic laptop

On Call By Friday morning, Reg readers’ batteries can sometimes be a little low, which is why we always use the day to offer a jolt of amusement in the form of On Call – the reader contributed column in which we celebrate the lows and lows of tech support.

This week, meet a reader we’ll call “Cathy” who, early in her career at a PR firm, got the job of building out new laptops for a bunch of users, including what she described as "a handful of sensitive individuals” in upper management.

“I called to inform one of the sensitive users that we would be issuing her a new laptop, explained I would need a few things from her to make that happen, and offered my assistance in completing those tasks,” Cathy told On Call.

The user had just one requirement: “Just make sure it's wireless!"

This story took place at a time when not every laptop included Wi-Fi, so specifying it as a required feature wasn’t unusual. Cathy assured her colleague she could have a wireless laptop and delivered one the next day after migrating data from the old machine and tucking the new one into a nice bag.

“I got everything from favorites to her Outlook configuration and gave her a very brief primer on where to find wireless networking settings,” Cathy told On Call.

The user paid scant attention and shooed Cathy away.

Later that night, Cathy was on call and her phone rang.

Almost before she’d managed to say “Hi, Cathy here, how can I help?” the user bellowed down the line.

"THIS ****ING LAPTOP DOESN'T WORK! YOU GAVE ME A PIECE OF ****!"

Cathy politely asked for an explanation of the problem.

"I WAS WORKING AND IT JUST ****ING SHUT OFF" came the shouted reply.

Cathy went into troubleshooting mode, and ran down a list of questions that started with a request to recount any error messages the machine had displayed and ended with a query about whether the user had seated the power cord snugly in its socket.

"WHAT POWER CORD?" came the bellicose reply.

Cathy explained that she’d tucked the laptop’s power supply into the nice bag.

She then heard the unmistakable sounds of Velcro, unfurling cables, and a plug meeting a socket.

"It's back,” the user said.

Cathy realized what had happened and tried to be polite about it by suggesting the user had perhaps struggled to find the battery life indicator on her new machine.

"YOU SAID THIS ****ING THING WAS WIRELESS!" came the obtuse reply.

“Yes,” Cathy replied drily. “It has wireless networking. Did you think it had a nuclear battery or something? It needs to be recharged just like your last laptop."

After a brief pause, the user thanked Cathy and hung up.

“She never did mention it again to me, I assume in hopes that I wouldn't let that story slip to others in the office,” Cathy wrote.

But she did tell the story to On Call, and if you have a similar tale of clueless users you should too! Just click here to send us an email and we may share your story on a future Friday. ®