Healthy 32-year-old offered COVID-19 vaccine because doctors had him down as 6.2cm tall with BMI of 28,000
Bloke was placed into vulnerable category because of his weight
19 Feb 2021 | 91
Vulture Central's sub-editor studied Ancient History at university, but somehow ended up handling The Register's UK-hours production. An old-school journalist, he started out in regional news when it was still printed on paper but that industry died a death. As well as his main duties, he has sanctioned side hustles curating regular Bootnotes for readers to giggle at over a ham sandwich, and a monthly gaming column called The Register Plays Games. He likes beer, heavy metal, and video games all a bit too much. Typos may be his fault.
No egrets: Ardent twitchers fined for breaking lockdown after bloke spots northern mockingbird in his garden
'Don't give out the location!!'
16 Feb 2021 | 49
Forget about an AI stealing your job, even pigs can be trained to use computers
No one can save your bacon now
11 Feb 2021 | 43
We imagine this maths professor's lecture was fascinating – sadly he was muted for two hours
And more gaffes from the world of lockdown videoconferencing
10 Feb 2021 | 56
Subnautica and Below Zero: Nurture your inner MacGyver and Kevin Costner on an ocean-planet holiday
The RPG Yes, survival games can tell great stories too
29 Jan 2021 | 9
Attack of the cryptidiots: One wants Bitcoin-flush hard drive he threw out in 2013 back, the other lost USB stick password
A combined total of $575m deleted... and counting
14 Jan 2021 | 89
The CIA's 'entire' collection of UFO records has been made available for you to sigh at
Is that The X-Files theme we hear?
13 Jan 2021 | 80
Fearing she had stumbled across a body, dogwalker reports pota-toe to police
At last, King Edward's remains found
11 Jan 2021 | 38
Lay down your souls to the gods of rock 'n' roll: Conspiracy theorists' 5G 'vaccine' chip schematic is actually for a guitar pedal
One owned by every 13-year-old with dreams of slinging an axe
05 Jan 2021 | 137
Cyberpunk 2077: There's a great game within screaming to get out, but sadly it was released 57 years too early
The RPG Over-promised, under-delivered, and plays like an alpha – try again later
25 Dec 2020 | 77
And you thought that $999 Mac stand was dear: Steve Wozniak's Apple II doodles fetch $630,272 at auction
Meanwhile, Apple-1 in original box signed by Woz goes for $736,862
21 Dec 2020 | 42
Atlantic City auctions off chance to hit Big Red Button and make grotesque Trump Plaza casino go boom
Can we do Trump Tower next?
18 Dec 2020 | 64
PSA: The 2020 monolith is a dead meme. You can stop putting them up now. Please
Updated Some of us actually have work to do
08 Dec 2020 | 72
Let's check in now with the new California monolith... And it's gone, torn down by a bunch of MAGA muppets
Good to see the youth being productive
04 Dec 2020 | 123
Where's the mysterious metal monolith today then? Oh look, it's atop a California mountain
Is this some kind of sick game of alien whack-a-mole?
03 Dec 2020 | 87
Glastonbury hippy shop Hemp in Avalon rapped for spouting 'plandemic' pseudoscience
WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
02 Dec 2020 | 129
Scotch eggs ascend to the 'substantial meal' pantheon as means to pop to pub for a pint during pernicious pandemic
Meanwhile, landlord reckons he's found a loophole in coronavirus restrictions by naming beer 'Substantial Meal'
01 Dec 2020 | 120
Uri Geller calls off 20-year ban on Pokémon trading card that 'stole' his 'signature image'
What a spoon
30 Nov 2020 | 54
Assassin's Creed Valhalla is a monastery-burning romp that would be way better if it was not an Assassin's Creed game
The RPG Can we start a petition to abandon the whole 'lol jk ur in a simulation' arc too?
27 Nov 2020 | 33
Ad banned for suggesting London black cabs have properties that prevent the spread of coronavirus
'It's like being in my own bubble back here'
25 Nov 2020 | 72
Snap decision: 74-year-old Florida man wrests puppy from jaws of alligator
And both lived to tell the tale
23 Nov 2020 | 40
Billionaire's Pagani Pa-gone-i after teen son takes hypercar out for a drive, trashes it
These things cost over $3m new
19 Nov 2020 | 125
When humans return to the Moon in '2024', HPE would like us to remember: We built the computer that simmed this
What could go wrong with NASA's SLS rocket? The Aitken system is finding out
18 Nov 2020 | 20
Reports of one's death have been greatly exaggerated: French radio station splurges obituary bank over interwebs
Come to think of it, has anyone checked in with the Queen lately?
17 Nov 2020 | 45
