Original URL: https://www.theregister.com/2007/04/23/crow_masterplan/
Wipe your arse less, suggests Sheryl Crow
One sheet per sitting to save the planet
Eco-friendly chanteuse Sheryl Crow - who's just completed a US "Stop Global Warming College Tour" with "environmental activist" Laurie David - has formulated a cunning plan to save the planet: use less toilet paper and dispense with the services of paper napkins.
Crow's mission during her 11-stop campaign was "to persuade students to help combat the world's environmental problems", the BBC notes. Her illuminating blog reveals she "spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming".
And here's the upshot of that contemplation: "I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required."
Furthermore, Crow also fancies the idea of "not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefullness".
To prove she walks it like she talks it, Crow has designed what she calls her "dining sleeve" - a detachable contrivance which offers the user "the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product".
Readers inspired by Crow's significant reduction in her carbon footprint are directed to her store, where the merchandise on offer includes a full range of CDs - presumably made from recycled bog roll and algae-derived bioplastic. ®