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… and Turing's going to miss me …
24 Dec 2021 11:40 | 58
BOFH: Time to put the Pretty Dumb F in PDF reader
Thanks for the support. Oh … that's us, is it?
10 Dec 2021 09:15 | 68
BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?
Pipe down – Nicolas Cage could be listening
26 Nov 2021 09:30 | 152
BOFH: You drive me crazy... and I can't help myself
Service provider? You sure about that second bit?
12 Nov 2021 09:15 | 102
BOFH: So you want to have your computer switched out for something faster? It's time to learn from the master
Corporate will make you jump through hoops – but there's always a window
22 Oct 2021 08:27 | 96
BOFH: You. Wouldn't. Put. A. Test. Machine. Into. Production. Without. Telling. Us.
Right, Mr Beancounter?
08 Oct 2021 09:15 | 159
BOFH: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine
Flame purifies all
24 Sep 2021 08:30 | 177
BOFH: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards … commence
Stacy? Stacy of the industry-wide Crazy Frog ringtone VoIP software update? Good work
10 Sep 2021 11:30 | 70
BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'
Anybody in the market for one of him whimpering?
13 Aug 2021 09:32 | 87
BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it
So what you're saying is you updated the new machines from the network – the infected network
30 Jul 2021 08:30 | 114
BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon
I say 'Yes', Boss says 'No'. Boss says 'Stop' … and I say 'Go, go, go!'
23 Jul 2021 10:46 | 86
BOFH: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks?
It is green, and BOFH is not the one. It's only a, er, miner problem …
16 Jul 2021 09:18 | 49
BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light
Where two or more idiots are gathered together, try to reduce the number of idiots
12 Jul 2021 09:15 | 69
BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days
Yep, read the licence again
09 Jul 2021 08:30 | 88
BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself
Just close your eyes and pretend it’s not there. Before you know it, it’ll be the weekend
25 Jun 2021 09:15 | 63
BOFH: When the Sun rises in the West and sets in the East, only then will the UPS cease to supply uninterrupted voltage
Until that time, if it ain't broke … oh god, someone call the ambulance
18 Jun 2021 09:15 | 98
BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why
Why show them the door when a window will do?
11 Jun 2021 08:30 | 42
BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording
I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
04 Jun 2021 08:59 | 61
BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages
Or we could just all contract a little amnesia...
28 May 2021 08:30 | 52
BOFH: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service
Back to the office we trudge, dragging our hooked tails behind us
23 Apr 2021 10:01 | 97
BOFH: Bullying? Not on my watch! (It's a Rolex)
Aye, me hearties... it is time to call H-ARRRRRGH
26 Mar 2021 09:30 | 78
BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time
Or 'How PFY and I do Access Control'
26 Feb 2021 10:25 | 88
BOFH: Are you a druid? Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid
Er, I mean, droid. In the far reaches of the world, under a lost and lonely hill, lies the OFFICE OF NEVERMORE
22 Jan 2021 09:30 | 75
BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call
This year, starring an utterly, er, empowering personal presence guru
25 Dec 2020 13:15 | 54
BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss
Never mind what those blinkenlights are doing. Take a deep breath and this will all be fine
11 Dec 2020 09:30 | 105
BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!
Oh is that right? The crappy Chromebook is fine now?
13 Nov 2020 09:30 | 113
BOFH: Rome, I have been thy soldier 40 years... give me a staff of honour for mine age
Or, you know, just sign on this dotted line
09 Oct 2020 11:05 | 84
BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?
The case of Simon and the crunchy onion bhajis
03 Apr 2020 10:09 | 117
BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?
Red pill? Blue pill? Window?
06 Mar 2020 09:06 | 162
BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...
No, no. There's no such thing as a stupid question
28 Feb 2020 09:15 | 72
BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer
Look to the future, Boss – you know it makes sense
07 Feb 2020 09:14 | 101
BOFH: When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life?
It's survey time in BOFH-land... and the dastardly duo are getting creative
24 Jan 2020 11:12 | 103
BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret
A tale of Simon, the PFY and the consultant
10 Jan 2020 11:30 | 112
BOFH: The case of the Boss's hidden USB inkjet printer
A little life support from Simon and the PFY
30 Dec 2019 09:29 | 49
BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck
If you don't cough the money, you're well out of luck
24 Dec 2019 10:00 | 63
BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'
You know what the kids will think is boss? You, tweeting from that window ledge
06 Dec 2019 10:14 | 117
BOFH: Trying to go after IT's budget again?
Ah, Director. Your childish antics warm my heart
22 Nov 2019 12:00 | 64
BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality
In which the PFY and Simon show the Director their vision of the future
25 Oct 2019 09:03 | 70
BOFH: The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however...
Well, it was an angry mob simulation
18 Oct 2019 12:32 | 99
BOFH: We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields
Slow your roll, your typewriters will be here anon
27 Sep 2019 08:50 | 145
BOFH: What's the Gnasher? Why, it's our heavy-duty macerator sewage pump
It's also our nickname for the ISA card guy we have to pay to fix everything
20 Sep 2019 09:20 | 100
BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet
Leads? Detective Bastard Operator From Hell has nothing to Go On
02 Aug 2019 08:02 | 107
BOFH: On a sunny day like this one, the concrete dries so much more quickly
Our hero and the Pimply Faced Youth valiantly bring pub o' clock closer for us all
05 Jul 2019 12:30 | 119
BOFH: What's Near Field Implementation? Oh, you'll see. Turn left here
The Bastard Operator From Hell continues to meet targets on his roadmap in the latest instalment
28 Jun 2019 10:56 | 79
BOFH: It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH
Time to take a custard pie, er, interface...
26 Apr 2019 11:02 | 107
BOFH: Tick tick BOOM. It's B-day! No we're not eating Brussels flouts...
The B stands for BOFH
29 Mar 2019 09:15 | 136
BOFH: Bye desktop, bye desk. Hello 'slab and a beanbag on the floor
On our hero sysadmin's watch? Not likely...
22 Feb 2019 12:57 | 56
BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol
And let's see how long he takes to crack
07 Dec 2018 09:10 | 88
Software engineer fired, shut out of office for three weeks by machine
HAL 9000 is here – and it's plugged into your HR system
22 Jun 2018 22:33 | 58
BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical
Mindfulness worksheets? Lattes? We're all set
22 Jun 2018 09:09 | 111
BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great
Oh, and sorry about your phone
15 Jun 2018 09:13 | 88
BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'
It's for your own Health and Safety
25 May 2018 11:03 | 154
BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave
I know where your supervisor is Dave
04 May 2018 09:04 | 133
BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?
It's the technology of the future-ture-ture
27 Apr 2018 08:36 | 107
BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried
You're here to audit us? Hi! Fancy a coffee?
20 Apr 2018 09:09 | 72
BOFH: Honourable misconduct
Yurrrr. Yuurrrrg. Hnng. Vomit? No, I'm fi... yuuurrg. Yunnk. Unk. Gulp. HUALLLARRGHHHAAHH!*
02 Mar 2018 10:06 | 81
BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service
Say it with us: BADD-AAS
12 Jan 2018 11:32 | 74
BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs
The numbers don't lie...
24 Nov 2017 11:28 | 53
BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the eeeeeeeeeeee-ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH
10 Nov 2017 11:26 | 55
BOFH: Do I smell burning toes, I mean burning toast?
This is not a drill
27 Oct 2017 10:56 | 89