On Call Here's looking at you, kid
Security19 Mar 2021 | 159
Don't be a fool, cover your tool: How IBM's mighty XT keyboard was felled by toxic atmosphere of the '80s
On Call The foulest stench is in the air, the funk of forty thousand... cigarettes?
Personal Tech12 Mar 2021 | 234
I haven't bought new pants for years, why do I have to keep buying new PCs?
On Call Friends and family tech support meets steam-powered computing
Personal Tech05 Mar 2021 | 213
A word to the Wyse: Smoking cigars in the office is very bad for you... and your monitor
On Call A matte-black terminal? Neat! Where can I get one?
Personal Tech26 Feb 2021 | 147
The wastepaper basket is on the other side of the office – that must be why they put all these slots in the computer
On Call Wow, this PC is hot stuff... actually it might be a bit too hot
Personal Tech19 Feb 2021 | 108
We know it's hard to get your kicks at work – just do it away from a wall switch powering anything important
On Call Does your office have a singing swinger?
Personal Tech12 Feb 2021 | 133
The Linux box that runs the exec carpark gate is down! A chance for PostgreSQL Man to show his quality
On Call They still laid him off, though
Security05 Feb 2021 | 162
Takes from the taxpayer, gives to the old – by squishing a bug in Thatcherite benefits system
On Call IT's Robin Hoooooood, Robin Hoooooood, Robin Hoooooood
Software29 Jan 2021 | 120
You can drive a car with your feet, you can operate a sewing machine with your feet. Same goes for computers obviously
On Call Mice do like cheese after all
Personal Tech22 Jan 2021 | 144
The Novell NetWare box keeps rebooting over and over again yet no one has touched it? We're going on a stakeout
On Call IT staff can be so... spiky sometimes
Systems15 Jan 2021 | 154
Pizza and beer night out the window, hours trying to sort issue, then a fresh pair of eyes says 'See, the problem is...'
On Call Cold comfort for manager at the top of the escalation chain
Virtualization08 Jan 2021 | 231
I built a shed once. How hard can a data centre be?
On Call Brute force and ignorance a happy VAX does not make
Systems01 Jan 2021 | 96
The curse of knowing a bit about IT: 'Could you just...?' and 'No I haven't changed anything'
12BoC Two firewalls are better than one, right?
Security30 Dec 2020 | 107
Yes, Microsoft Access was a recalcitrant beast, but the first step is to turn the computer on
12BoC I've got the power! Psyche. I definitely don't
Personal Tech28 Dec 2020 | 68
Everybody's time is precious, pal: Sometimes it isn't only the terminals that are dumb
12BoC Modem life is rubbish
Networks27 Dec 2020 | 39
A pub denied: One man's tale of festive frolics postponed by the curse of the On Call phone
12BoC Just a little jiggle
Systems25 Dec 2020 | 42
Cats: Not a fan favourite when the critters are draped around an office packed with tech
On Call Fur the love of god!
Personal Tech18 Dec 2020 | 232
Oh, no one knows what goes on behind locked doors... so don't leave your UPS in there
On Call Company safe... telephone gear... Is this the cleaner's cupboard?
Systems11 Dec 2020 | 166
There are two sides to every story, two ends to every cable
On Call Panto season arrives at Vulture Central
Networks04 Dec 2020 | 95
Who knew that hosing a table with copious amounts of cubic metres would trip adult filters?
On Call Another fine mess
Systems27 Nov 2020 | 360
When even a power-cycle fandango cannot save your Windows desktop
On Call In steps our hero: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Personal Tech20 Nov 2020 | 196
Solving a big, yellow IT problem: If it's not wearing hi-vis, I don't trust it
On Call Throw in a clipboard and you look like you're the business
Personal Tech13 Nov 2020 | 86
Let's... drawer a veil over why this laser printer would decide to stop working randomly
On Call Easiest call-out ever (after a pinch of sleuthing)
Personal Tech06 Nov 2020 | 170
Did I or did I not ask you to double-check that the socket was on? Now I've driven 15 miles, what have we found?
On Call IT idiocy by government is as old as IT itself
Personal Tech30 Oct 2020 | 437
The engineer lurking behind the curtain: Musical monitors on a meagre IT budget
On Call The 'S' in SX, stands for 'Sporty', ok?
Personal Tech23 Oct 2020 | 75
When you're On Call, only you can hear the silence of the clicks
On Call Automated alerting? Escalating robo-calling? All ok, but beware the inebriated meatbag in the system
Software16 Oct 2020 | 89
IT Marie Kondo asks: Does this noisy PC spark joy? Alas, no. So under the desk it goes
On Call Powerful computers need powerful fans, after all
Personal Tech09 Oct 2020 | 78
There ain't no problem that can't be solved with the help of American horsepower – even yanking on a coax cable
On Call Playing tug o' war with a 1970s IBM mainframe
On-Prem02 Oct 2020 | 201
Help! My printer won't print no matter how much I shout at it!
On Call MAYBE IF I PRINT EVERYTHING IN CAPS?
Personal Tech25 Sep 2020 | 206
He was a skater boy. We said, 'see you later, boy' – and the VAX machine mysteriously began to work as intended
On Call Go pivot on this
Personal Tech18 Sep 2020 | 198
The power of Bill compels you: A server room possessed by a Microsoft-hating, Linux-loving Demon
On Call Luckily, earthly pleasures dished out by the exorcist
Systems11 Sep 2020 | 200
Mate, it's the '90s. You don't need to be reachable every minute of every hour. Your operating system can't cope
On Call Eudora checking for emails how often? On Windows 3.1?
Software04 Sep 2020 | 174
Techie studied ancient ways of iSeries machine, saved day when user unleashed eldritch powers, got £50 gift voucher
On Call Brushing away the cobwebs of decades-old code like Indiana Jones
On-Prem28 Aug 2020 | 81
You *bang* will never *smash* humiliate me *whack* in front of *clang* the teen computer whizz *crunch* EVER AGAIN
On Call The Christmas when your teenage kicks were fixing next door's Amiga
On-Prem21 Aug 2020 | 126
Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced techie is indistinguishable from magic
On Call And with a wave of his hand, the printer was fixed
Networks14 Aug 2020 | 205
I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault
On Call Stiffened sinews and floppy disks
On-Prem07 Aug 2020 | 197
'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad
On Call Careless autoreplies cripple email at the heart of local government
Personal Tech31 Jul 2020 | 234
What evil lurks within the data centre, and why is it DDoS-ing the ever-loving pants off us?
On Call When 'works OK on my machine' goes global
On-Prem24 Jul 2020 | 88
Oh sure, we'll just make a tiny little change in every source file without letting anyone know. What could go wrong?
On Call Up from the depths / Thirty stories high / Breathing fire / Its head in the sky / IT'S EMAIL!
Systems17 Jul 2020 | 103
The reluctant log trawler: The buck stops with the back-end
On Call Hope for web success, but plan for every possible (and impossible) failure
Software10 Jul 2020 | 86
Cool IT support drones never look at explosions: Time to resolution for misbehaving mouse? Three seconds
On Call Thinking in binary, dreaming in hexadecimal, and this is what they'll remember you for
Personal Tech03 Jul 2020 | 159
Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth
On Call There's a rat in my system, what am I gonna do?
Personal Tech26 Jun 2020 | 188
PC printer problems and enraged execs: When the answer to 'Hand over that floppy disk' is 'No'
On Call Time for the Windows pantomime: 'Oh yes it does...' 'Oh no it doesn't'
Personal Tech19 Jun 2020 | 141
'One rule for me, another for them' is all well and good until it sinks the entire company's ability to receive emails
On Call Mail. Forward. Send. Repeat
Software12 Jun 2020 | 146
If Daddy doesn't want me to touch the buttons, why did they make them so colourful?
On Call The perils of 'bring your child to work' day
Networks05 Jun 2020 | 122
So you really didn't touch the settings at all, huh? Well, this print-out from my secret backup says otherwise
On Call Cultures clash when a combustion turbine goes K-pop
On-Prem29 May 2020 | 176
Das reboot: That's the only thing to do when the screenshot, er, freezes
On Call German efficiency was no match for user stupidity
Software22 May 2020 | 156
Mirror mirror on the wall, why will my mouse not work at all?
On Call Fault finding fail via the friends and family helpline
Personal Tech15 May 2020 | 160
Behold: The ghastly, preening, lesser-spotted Incredible Bullsh*tting Customer
On Call If you listen closely, you can hear how the creatures' full-throated call increases in volume when you are on holiday
Personal Tech08 May 2020 | 154
Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate
On Call In praise of helpful friends and handy tools
On-Prem01 May 2020 | 192
Elevating cost-cutting to a whole new level with million-dollar bar bills
On Call The curse of RS-232 strikes again in part two of our serial series
Networks24 Apr 2020 | 148
A paper clip, a spool of phone wire and a recalcitrant RS-232 line: Going MacGyver in the wonderful world of hotel IT
On Call Part 1: No one expects the construction crew
Networks17 Apr 2020 | 205
OK brainiacs, we've got an IT cold case for you: Fatal disk errors on an Amiga 4000 with 600MB external SCSI unless the clock app is... just so
On Call Only when the big hand reaches the little hand will the Amiga copy those files
Personal Tech10 Apr 2020 | 166
Absolutely everyone loves video conferencing these days. Some perhaps a bit too much
On Call Saving Sales from a self-inflicted dirty deed
Personal Tech03 Apr 2020 | 139
That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2
On Call How to Excel (sorry) on the helldesk
Software27 Mar 2020 | 282
Captain Caveman rides to the rescue, solves a prickly PowerPoint problem with a magical solution
On Call But did our hero break 'Circle rules?
Software20 Mar 2020 | 155
Not exactly the kind of housekeeping you want when it means the hotel's server uptime is scrubbed clean
On Call A Hoover-dunnit for your Friday morning
Systems13 Mar 2020 | 175
Disk stuck in the drive? Don't dilly-Dali – get IT on the case!
On Call Droopy, Sticky and Non-booty. The three forgotten dwarves.
Personal Tech06 Mar 2020 | 114
I heard somebody say: Burn baby, burn – server inferno!
On Call The heat was on, risin' to the top / Everybody's goin' strong, and that's when the SPARC got hot
On-Prem28 Feb 2020 | 131
The self-disconnecting switch: Ghost in the machine or just a desire to save some cash?
On Call Yet another reason to never do things by halves
On-Prem21 Feb 2020 | 77