Something For The Weekend
Something for the Weekend Not to mention the severely disadvantageous subscription model
Columnists19 Aug 2022 | 144
Our software is perfect. If something has gone wrong, it must be YOUR fault
Something for the Weekend Hello customer, can I help you? Ha ha, just kidding, of course I won’t
Software12 Aug 2022 | 216
I paid for it, that makes it mine. Doesn’t it? No – and it never did
Something for the Weekend A new generation learns the hard way that everything is ephemeral
Bootnotes29 Jul 2022 | 290
My smartphone has wiped my microSD card again: Is it a conspiracy?
Something for the Weekend And who's listening to those MP3s instead of me?
Storage22 Jul 2022 | 119
Being declared dead is automated, so why is resurrection such a nightmare?
Something for the Weekend Death becomes you swiftly but it’s messy making your way back
Bootnotes15 Jul 2022 | 134
Everyone back to the office! Why? Because the decision has been made
Something for the Weekend Where should I sit? 'Don't bother me with details, just do it'
Personal Tech01 Jul 2022 | 196
First steps into the world of thought leadership: What could go wrong?
Something for the Weekend I have decided to become a double-spaced, three-word sentenced, humble-bragtastic genius
Networks24 Jun 2022 | 88
Leave that sentient AI alone a mo and fix those racist chatbots first
Something for the Weekend Cue robot armies of whiny digital seven-year-olds complaining they're being 'cancelled'
AI + ML17 Jun 2022 | 85
No more fossil fuel or nukes? In the future we will generate power with magic dust
Something for the Weekend Don’t cross the streams! Why? It would be bad. What do you mean 'bad'?
Bootnotes10 Jun 2022 | 110
The next time your program is 'not responding,' (do not) try these steps
Something for the Weekend Can't open that tin of beans? Put it back in the cupboard and take it out again!
Applications03 Jun 2022 | 153
Failed gambler? How about an algorithm that predicts the future
Something for the Weekend Hopefully an end to '... and you'll never guess what happened next!'
Bootnotes20 May 2022 | 75
Confirmation dialog Groundhog Day: I click OK and it keeps coming back
Something for the Weekend Yes/No/Cancel culture at its worst
Columnists13 May 2022 | 146
Switch off the mic if it makes you feel better – it'll make no difference
Something for the Weekend Treat all those micro-phonies like so many spies in the wire
Bootnotes06 May 2022 | 81
Meetings in the metaverse: Are your Mikes on?
Something for the Weekend You thought Zoom was bad? Welcome to the Thunderdome
Bootnotes29 Apr 2022 | 58
Robots are creepy. Why trust AIs that are even creepier?
Something for the Weekend We know where we stand with wonky-faced hardware. It's the ones we don't recognize as AIs we should worry about
AI + ML22 Apr 2022 | 105
When the expert speaker at an NFT tech panel goes rogue
Something for the Weekend Stick to the script, man! It’s confusing enough already
Bootnotes16 Apr 2022 | 118
Fish mentality: If The Rock told you to eat flies, would you buy my NFT?
Something for the Weekend This week's column coming to you via hologram. Or a spaceship
Bootnotes08 Apr 2022 | 61
The month I worked for DEADHEAD: Yes, that was their job title
Something for the Weekend? We can't have that contractor making us look bad
Columnists01 Apr 2022 | 71
In the graveyard of good ideas, how does yours measure up to these?
Something for the Weekend? You can now read your comics in the metaverse
Bootnotes25 Mar 2022 | 142
Unable to write 'Amusing Weekly Column'. Abort, Retry, Fail?
Something for the Weekend? Don't fret, we're just having a technical
Software18 Mar 2022 | 264
The Human Genome Project will tell us who to support at Eurovision
Something for the Weekend? My parents were not lying to me but… who's the Finn?
Bootnotes11 Mar 2022 | 78
A tale of two dishwashers: Buy one, buy it again, and again
Something for the Weekend? It's all the data's fault, of course… and it's my data so that means it's my fault
Bootnotes25 Feb 2022 | 191
Food for thought on the return to the office
Something for the Weekend? Quality time with human beings? Nah. Gimme some free Monster Munch
Columnists18 Feb 2022 | 87
Make assistive driving safe: Eliminate pedestrians
Something for the Weekend? It’s amazing [thud] I don’t even [thud] have to watch the road [thud]
Software11 Feb 2022 | 186
Have you tried restarting? Reinstalling? Upgrading? Moving house and changing your identity?
Something for the Weekend? Or maybe we could take a quick look at our servers
Applications04 Feb 2022 | 125
How to get banned from social media without posting a thing
Something for the Weekend? Mme D finally takes to the Web 2.0 stage and becomes a bad actor
AI + ML28 Jan 2022 | 130
'Can you identify your assailants?' Yes, they were pixelated! I'd know them anywhere!
Something for the Weekend, Sir? 'Inside' knowledge on the image database conundrum – at 25 frames per second
Bootnotes21 Jan 2022 | 41
Not looking forward to a greyscale 2022? Then look back to the past in 64 colours
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Any colour you like as long as it's black. Or white
Bootnotes07 Jan 2022 | 142
Predictive Dirty Dozen: What will and won't happen in 2022 (unless it doesn’t/does)
Something for the Weekend, Sir? We confidently predict that the predictions in this article will turn out wrong
Columnists31 Dec 2021 | 211
On Christmas night, a computer logs a call to say his user has stopped working…
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Let’s take a look into the future cher-cher-cher…
AI + ML24 Dec 2021 | 88
Thank you, FAQ chatbot, but if I want your help I'll ask for it
Something for the Weekend, Sir? It’s FAQing annoying to tell the truth
Bootnotes17 Dec 2021 | 166
Playing jigsaw on my roof: They can ID you from your hygiene habits
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Pat McGovern knew his way around a trash can
Bootnotes10 Dec 2021 | 74
You forced me to use this fancypants app and now you're asking for a printout?
Something for the Weekend, Sir? 'Just take the meds, Mr Sloper, and enjoy your holiday'
Bootnotes26 Nov 2021 | 121
The ideal sat-nav is one that stops the car, winds down the window, and asks directions
Something for the Weekend, Sir? It's not quite a Jag-you-arr
Networks19 Nov 2021 | 161
One click, one goal, one mission: To get a one-touch flush solution
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Gimme gimme gimme fried chicken
Bootnotes05 Nov 2021 | 76
Remember when you thought fax machines were dead-matter teleporters? Ah, just me, then
Something for the Weekend, Sir? No, things were NOT better in the past, so leave them there
Bootnotes29 Oct 2021 | 131
Judging by the way your face lit up, my inbox just got more attractive
Something for the Weekend, Sir? A message for you, (on your) rudie
Personal Tech22 Oct 2021 | 50
All I want for Christmas is a delivery address that a delivery courier can find
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Send me an SMS and I’ll tell you everything
Bootnotes15 Oct 2021 | 157
Get real: Say what you like about your app but don't be surprised if I trollsplain
Something for the Weekend, Sir? My next column will be written in spaaaaaace
Columnists08 Oct 2021 | 57
2FA? More like 2F-in-the-way: It seems no one wants me to pay for their services after all
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Shut up and take my money
Security01 Oct 2021 | 104
Nothing works any more. Who decided that redundant systems should become redundant?
Something for the Weekend, Sir? It'll all come out in the wash
Bootnotes24 Sep 2021 | 115
So I’ve scripted a life-saving routine. Pah. What really matters is the icon I give it
Something for the Weekend, Sir? J’appuie sur le starter et voici que je quitte la terre
Bootnotes17 Sep 2021 | 119
You walk in with a plan. You leave with GPS-tracking Nordic hiking poles. The same old story, eh?
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Please hold me back from the discount aisle in case I buy a USB desk fan
Bootnotes10 Sep 2021 | 116
A speech recognition app goes into a bar. Speak up if you’ve heard it already
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Listen to me, Palmer, now listen to me
Applications03 Sep 2021 | 108
When everyone else is on vacation, it's time to whip out the tiny screwdrivers
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Fixing laptops and solving UX conundra – all in a night’s work
Columnists27 Aug 2021 | 151
Live, die, copy-paste, repeat: Everything is recycled now, including ideas
Something for the Weekend, Sir? We can't rewind, we've gone too far
Bootnotes20 Aug 2021 | 58
Before I agree to let your app track me everywhere, I want something 'special' in return (winks)…
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Help me, officer, I’m lost! 'No problem, sir, you’re right in front of me'
Security13 Aug 2021 | 86
Q: Post-lockdown, where would I like to go? A: As far away from my own head as possible
Something for the Weekend, Sir? About 238,855 miles would do the trick
Bootnotes06 Aug 2021 | 71
You MUST present your official ID (but only the one that's really easy to fake)
Something for the Weekend, Sir? I can show you my Three Widths swimming certificate if it helps
Bootnotes30 Jul 2021 | 104
Is it broken yet? Is it? Is it? Ooh that means I can buy a sparkly, new but otherwise hard-to-justify replacement!
Something for the Weekend, Sir? I may consider offering you cash to break it for me
Personal Tech23 Jul 2021 | 110
The lights go off, broadband drops out, the TV freezes … and nobody knows why (spooky music)
Something for the Weekend, Sir? It might be because technicians maintain an open-door policy
Networks16 Jul 2021 | 103
The world is chaos but my Zoom background is control-freak perfection
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Nudge that potted plant a little to the left aaaaand… action!
Columnists09 Jul 2021 | 96
Devilish plans for your next app update ensure they never happen – unless you start praying
Something for the Weekend, Sir? These things really get my goat
Bootnotes02 Jul 2021 | 81
Who would cross the Bridge of Death? Answer me these questions three! Oh and you'll need two-factor authentication
Something for the Weekend, Sir? I'm not the robot, pal, you are
Security25 Jun 2021 | 74
What job title would YOU want carved on your gravestone? 'Beloved father, Slayer of Dragons, Register of Domains'
Something for the Weekend, Sir? How did I love thee? Let me count the email redirections
Bootnotes18 Jun 2021 | 120
Whatever you've been doing during lockdown, you better stop it right now
Something for the Weekend, Sir? You never did learn to play guitar, did you? Too late now...
Bootnotes11 Jun 2021 | 70
How many remote controls do you really need? Answer: about a bowl-ful
Something for the Weekend, Sir? I don’t care if the football’s on, we’ll have to watch whatever the TV wants us to
Columnists04 Jun 2021 | 148
Whoop! Robot/human high-fives all round! Oh, my fingers have disintegrated
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Food for thought for obese minds
Software28 May 2021 | 56
How much would you pay me to develop a COVID tracking app that actually works? Ah, thought so: nothing
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Meet Guillaume Rozier - a bit like Captain Tom but 76 years younger and no chance of a medal
Software21 May 2021 | 102
Your private data has been nabbed: Please update your life as soon as possible while we deflect responsibility
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Because our golf-obsessed boss has wandered off fondling his balls
Columnists14 May 2021 | 86