A weekly column in which Register readers confess to messes they made in the pursuit of IT excellence
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Please Mr Hitchcock, no more. The UPS can't take it
17 Jan 2022 08:34 | 137
To err is human. To really screw things up requires a wayward screwdriver
Plug and play, 1970s style
10 Jan 2022 08:29 | 124
A time when cabling was not so much 'structured' than 'survival of the fittest'
Sometimes a screwdriver is not the only tool you need
03 Jan 2022 11:04 | 144
It's the day before the grand opening but we need a firmware update. It'll be fine
Modern drinks are rubbish
27 Dec 2021 09:11 | 110
Wi-Fi not working? It's time to consult the lovely people on those fine Linux forums
It's all open source's fault! Or is it?
20 Dec 2021 09:30 | 221
Ooh, an update. Let's install it. What could possibly go wro-
Patching the patch
13 Dec 2021 08:30 | 96
How to destroy expensive test kit: What does that button do?
Fidgety fingers and boredom = trouble
06 Dec 2021 08:30 | 77
When civilisation ends, a Xenix box will be running a long-forgotten job somewhere
'Keep it running a few weeks.' Fast-forward 5 years. 'Why'd it break, man!?'
29 Nov 2021 08:30 | 147
A tiny typo in an automated email to thousands of customers turns out to be a big problem for legal
Unexpected consequences of the SQL Slammer worm
22 Nov 2021 08:30 | 156
There's only one cure for passive-aggressive Space Invader bosses, and that's more passive aggression
For when a terse email just won't do
15 Nov 2021 07:30 | 85
Pulling down a partition or knocking through a door does not necessarily make for a properly connected workspace
I don't care about your problems, it works fine here
08 Nov 2021 08:30 | 92
IT god exposed as false idol by quirks of Java – until he laid his hands on the server
Look on my works and despair. After you've emptied the trash
01 Nov 2021 08:30 | 65
Orders wrong, resellers receiving wrong items? Must be a programming error and certainly not a rushing techie
Some of those punch cards may still be lying at the bottom of a lift shaft
25 Oct 2021 07:33 | 112
NSFW Who, Me?
What do you mean you gave the boss THAT version of the report? Oh, ****ing ****balls
Say what you mean
18 Oct 2021 08:30 | 86
Config cockup leaves Reg reader reaching for the phone
Yet another thing that was really not better in the old days
11 Oct 2021 08:32 | 71
Firewalls? Pfft – it's no match for my mighty spares-bin PC
You say 'temporary', they hear 'permanent'
04 Oct 2021 07:30 | 90
Don't touch that dial – the new guy just closed the application that no one is meant to close
An unexpected round of Just A Minute for a unsuspecting Weather Presenter
27 Sep 2021 07:30 | 124
I would drive 100 miles and I would drive 100 more just to be the man that drove 200 miles to... hit the enter key
When a server crash became a motorway dash
20 Sep 2021 07:30 | 83
You want us to make a change? We can do it, but it'll cost you...
How does $100k per character sound? And that's just for labour
13 Sep 2021 07:30 | 78
A practical demonstration of the difference between 'resilient' and 'redundant'
Bump and grind in the server racks
06 Sep 2021 07:34 | 72
How to stop a content filter becoming a career-shortening network component
He's not just a Big Cheese. He's a very naughty boy
31 Aug 2021 08:36 | 69
Hacking the computer with wirewraps and soldering irons: Just fix the issues as they come up, right?
The neverending battle betweeen youthful optimism and aged cyncism
23 Aug 2021 08:25 | 103
Scalpel! Superglue! This mouse won't fix its own ball
Desk detritus baffles even the brainiest of boffins
16 Aug 2021 08:30 | 108
Electrocution? All part of the service, sir!
Going out with a bang
09 Aug 2021 08:30 | 145
Undebug my heart: Using Cisco's IOS to take down capitalism – accidentally
Two little letters is all it takes
02 Aug 2021 08:30 | 65
Somebody is destined for somewhere hot, and definitely not Coventry
Praise be for Firewalls
26 Jul 2021 07:30 | 74
How to keep your enterprise up to date by deploying the very latest malware
Salesmen suffer after suspicious surfing
19 Jul 2021 07:30 | 71
Who, Me? Updated
Ah, I see you found my PowerShell script called 'SiteReview' – that does not mean what you think it means
It's certainly not for that
12 Jul 2021 07:47 | 104
One good deed leads to a storm in an Exchange Server
Enthusiasm and youth are once again no match for age and cunning
05 Jul 2021 07:30 | 82
Hmmmmm, how to cool that overheating CPU, if only there was a solution...
Garden hose + handy tap = bad times
28 Jun 2021 07:30 | 60
Updating in production, like a boss
The pain in Spain comes mainly from a lack of training
21 Jun 2021 07:30 | 130
Do you come from a land Down Under? Where diesel's low and techies blunder
UPS = Uninterruptable Pager Spying
14 Jun 2021 07:49 | 102
That thing you were utterly sure would never happen? Yeah, well, guess what …
Never. Test. In. Production.
09 Jun 2021 08:30 | 42
Thanks, boss. The accidental creation of a lights-out data centre – what a fun surprise
At least nobody said 'watch this!'
07 Jun 2021 07:31 | 116
Congestion or a Christmas cock-up? A Register reader throws himself under the bus
Sometimes honesty is the best policy
31 May 2021 07:30 | 83
Big red buttons and very bad language: A primer for life in the IT world
Guess what I learned at school today, Mummy!
24 May 2021 07:30 | 114
The future is now, old man: Let the young guns show how to properly cock things up
Phoning it in?
17 May 2021 07:30 | 91
Accidentally wiped an app's directory? Hey, just play the 'unscheduled maintenance' card. Now you're a hero
It soothed this raging roomful of wannabe lawyers anyway
10 May 2021 07:30 | 66
Terminal trickery, or how to improve a novel immeasurably
When contractors go bored: Stuffing the timesheet with shenanigans
03 May 2021 07:30 | 107
Don't cross the team tasked with policing the surfing habits of California's teens
You don't get me, I'm part of the union
26 Apr 2021 07:30 | 96
You want a reboot? I'll give you a reboot! Happy now?
Two windows, one tetchy techie – what could possibly go wrong?
19 Apr 2021 07:15 | 92
Quality control, Soviet style: Here's another fine message you've gotten me into
Moscow. 1978. It always feels like... somebody's watching me
12 Apr 2021 06:13 | 170
A floppy filled with software worth thousands of francs: Techie can't take it, customs won't keep it. What to do?
Halt and catch fire
05 Apr 2021 09:22 | 177
Vegas, baby! A Register reader gambles his software will beat the manual system
The house always wins. Even in the Casino back office
29 Mar 2021 07:15 | 62
What could be worse than killing a golden goose? Killing someone else's golden goose
When fixing legacy bugs turns out to be a career-limiting move
22 Mar 2021 08:15 | 110
Why yes, I'll take that commendation for fixing the thing I broke
Behold, the amazing bullsh*tting man
15 Mar 2021 08:15 | 77
Just when you thought it was safe to enjoy a beer: Beware the downloaded patch applied in haste
Let us tell you a tale of the Mailman's Apprentice
08 Mar 2021 08:15 | 66
Rookie's code couldn't have been so terrible that it made a supermarket spontaneously combust... right?
We'll never know but he was spared the whiteboard of shame
01 Mar 2021 08:15 | 151
Forget GameStop: Keyboard warriors and electronic trading have never mixed well
Big Bang? More like Big Bork thanks to a warning shouted too late
22 Feb 2021 08:15 | 54
Housekeeping and kernel upgrades do not always make for happy bedfellows
When imposter syndrome turns out to not be a syndrome at all
15 Feb 2021 08:15 | 113
DBA heroes don't always wear capes. Sometimes they just have a bunch of forgotten permissions
Just because you could, doesn't mean you should
08 Feb 2021 06:58 | 38
How do you save an ailing sales pitch? Just burn down the client's office with their own whiteboard
At least it could be wiped clean of evidence
01 Feb 2021 08:01 | 123
You would expect a qualified electrician to wire a building to spec, right? Trust... but verify
What could be wrong when two UPSes commit seppuku?
25 Jan 2021 08:15 | 237
Two clichés, one headline: 'No good deed goes unpunished' and 'It's always DNS'
Oh good, you fixed it. Now, if you could just put your head on that plate...
18 Jan 2021 08:15 | 73
Pop quiz: You've got a roomful of electrical equipment. How do you put out a fire?
Careful with that rack, Eugene
11 Jan 2021 08:15 | 55
Server won't boot? Forgot to make that backup? Have no fear, just blame Microsoft
Everything is Windows' fault. Even when it really isn't
04 Jan 2021 08:15 | 39
Windows might have frozen – but at least my feet are toasty
Not quite what we meant by Halt and Catch Fire
21 Dec 2020 08:15 | 128
Cruise, Kidman and an unfortunate misunderstanding at the local chemist
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Kubrick
14 Dec 2020 08:15 | 96
A 1970s magic trick: Take a card, any card, out of the deck and watch the IBM System/370 plunge into a death spiral
Who is the debugger that took down my mainframe?
07 Dec 2020 08:15 | 126
For every disastrous rebrand, there is an IT person trying to steer away from the precipice
The Cassandra of 1980s tech: Doomed to warn, but never be heeded
30 Nov 2020 08:15 | 147