A weekly column in which Register readers confess to messes they made in the pursuit of IT excellence.
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Who, Me? The house always wins. Even in the Casino back office
Software29 Mar 2021 | 62
What could be worse than killing a golden goose? Killing someone else's golden goose
Who, Me? When fixing legacy bugs turns out to be a career-limiting move
Software22 Mar 2021 | 110
Why yes, I'll take that commendation for fixing the thing I broke
Who, Me? Behold, the amazing bullsh*tting man
Networks15 Mar 2021 | 77
Just when you thought it was safe to enjoy a beer: Beware the downloaded patch applied in haste
Who, Me? Let us tell you a tale of the Mailman's Apprentice
Systems08 Mar 2021 | 66
Rookie's code couldn't have been so terrible that it made a supermarket spontaneously combust... right?
Who, Me? We'll never know but he was spared the whiteboard of shame
Devops01 Mar 2021 | 151
Forget GameStop: Keyboard warriors and electronic trading have never mixed well
Who, Me? Big Bang? More like Big Bork thanks to a warning shouted too late
Systems22 Feb 2021 | 54
Housekeeping and kernel upgrades do not always make for happy bedfellows
Who, Me? When imposter syndrome turns out to not be a syndrome at all
Software15 Feb 2021 | 113
DBA heroes don't always wear capes. Sometimes they just have a bunch of forgotten permissions
Who, Me? Just because you could, doesn't mean you should
Bootnotes08 Feb 2021 | 38
How do you save an ailing sales pitch? Just burn down the client's office with their own whiteboard
Who, Me? At least it could be wiped clean of evidence
Personal Tech01 Feb 2021 | 123
You would expect a qualified electrician to wire a building to spec, right? Trust... but verify
Who, Me? What could be wrong when two UPSes commit seppuku?
Systems25 Jan 2021 | 237
Two clichés, one headline: 'No good deed goes unpunished' and 'It's always DNS'
Who, Me? Oh good, you fixed it. Now, if you could just put your head on that plate...
Networks18 Jan 2021 | 73
Pop quiz: You've got a roomful of electrical equipment. How do you put out a fire?
Who, Me? Careful with that rack, Eugene
Networks11 Jan 2021 | 55
Server won't boot? Forgot to make that backup? Have no fear, just blame Microsoft
Who, Me? Everything is Windows' fault. Even when it really isn't
Systems04 Jan 2021 | 39
Windows might have frozen – but at least my feet are toasty
Who, Me? Not quite what we meant by Halt and Catch Fire
Personal Tech21 Dec 2020 | 128
Cruise, Kidman and an unfortunate misunderstanding at the local chemist
Who, Me? I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Kubrick
Personal Tech14 Dec 2020 | 96
A 1970s magic trick: Take a card, any card, out of the deck and watch the IBM System/370 plunge into a death spiral
Who, Me? Who is the debugger that took down my mainframe?
Software07 Dec 2020 | 126
For every disastrous rebrand, there is an IT person trying to steer away from the precipice
Who, Me? The Cassandra of 1980s tech: Doomed to warn, but never be heeded
Bootnotes30 Nov 2020 | 147
It's always DNS, especially when a sysadmin makes a hash of their semicolons
Who, Me? Remember the days when 'we made it up as we went along'?
Networks23 Nov 2020 | 151
Panic in the mailroom: The perils of an operating system too smart for its own good
Who, Me? That other 1973 hit: The Dark Side of the Mainframe
On-Prem16 Nov 2020 | 125
The day I took down the data centre- I mean, the day I saved the day. Right, boss?
Who, Me? How many hundred thousand customers?
On-Prem09 Nov 2020 | 62
You only live twice: Once to start the installation, and the other time to finish it off
Who, Me? International adventure, crafty customs, and what not to pack in the hand luggage
Personal Tech02 Nov 2020 | 148
A cautionary tale of virtual floppies and all too real credentials
Who, Me? Only a complete banker would map that to... oh dear...
Networks26 Oct 2020 | 75
Quick thinking and an explanation for everything – key CTO qualities
Who, Me? You thought that presentation would be dull as styrofoam flavoured water when...
Bootnotes19 Oct 2020 | 56
Excel is for amateurs. To properly screw things up, those same amateurs need a copy of Access
Who, Me? Beware the wrong tool in the wrong hands
Software12 Oct 2020 | 144
A decades-old lesson on not inserting Excel where it doesn't belong
Who, Me? A Register reader's sense of déjà vu triggers a bonus column
Software07 Oct 2020 | 185
Big IQ play from IT outsourcer: Can't create batch files if you can't save files. Of any kind
Who, Me? Be careful what you wish for
Security05 Oct 2020 | 88
Inflated figures and customers who were never there. Just another data migration then
Who, Me? Well, this is awkward
Systems28 Sep 2020 | 64
We don't need maintenance this often, surely? Pull it. Oh dear, the system's down
Who, Me? You've been visited by the Don Corleone of code
Software21 Sep 2020 | 95
Typical '80s IT: Good idea leads to additional duties, without extra training or pay, and a nuked payroll system
Who, Me? We know it is a bore, but check your backup and restore
Storage14 Sep 2020 | 101
Competitive techies almost bring distributed disaster upon themselves – and they didn't even find any aliens
Who, Me? Idle hands are SETI's workshop
Systems07 Sep 2020 | 42
Funny, that: Handy script for wiping directories is capable of wreaking havoc beyond a miscreant's wildest dreams
Who, Me? Beware the three options of the apocalypse
Software31 Aug 2020 | 98
This PDP-11/70 was due to predict an election outcome – but no one could predict it falling over
Who, Me? Remember when the only interference was electromagnetic?
Personal Tech24 Aug 2020 | 170
Sun welcomes vampire dating website company: Arrgh! No! It burns! It buuurrrrnsss!
Who, Me? Cookies? Check. Coffee? Check. Warned security that the cast of The Matrix is on their way up? Er...
Software17 Aug 2020 | 222
You had one job... Just two lines of code, and now the customer's Inventory Master File has bitten the biscuit
Who, Me? You're so BASIC
On-Prem10 Aug 2020 | 123
A tale of mainframes and students being too clever by far
Who, Me? Behold, the Move of Certain Doom
On-Prem03 Aug 2020 | 80
Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin. Hang on, the PDP 11/70 has dropped offline
Who, Me? Beware the wandering buttock
On-Prem27 Jul 2020 | 126
Mainframe madness as the snowflakes take control – and the on-duty operator hasn't a clue how to stop the blizzard
Who, Me? Each one unique, and they'll keep coming till there's no paper left... or someone kills the power
On-Prem20 Jul 2020 | 41
Oh what a cute little animation... OH MY GOD. (Not acceptable, even in the '80s)
Who, Me? Confessions of a student
Personal Tech13 Jul 2020 | 90
When a deleted primary device file only takes 20 mins out of your maintenance window, but a whole year off your lifespan
Who, Me? In praise of UNIX and knowing when to deliberately drive a server off a cliff
Software06 Jul 2020 | 131
Finally, a wafer-thin server... Only a tiny little thin one. Oh all right. Just the one...
Who, Me? The UPS gets its revenge in a tale of fire, fury and farming
Systems29 Jun 2020 | 141
When you bork... through a storm: Liverpool do all they can to take advantage of summer transfer, er, Windows
Bork!Bork!Bork! Bork on, bork on... with hope in your heart.. And you'll never bork alone
Bootnotes24 Jun 2020 | 41
Faxing hell: The cops say they would very much like us to stop calling them all the time
Who, Me? Brrrrr... dunngadunng... braaaaarp: that's the sound of da police
Science22 Jun 2020 | 210
Overload: A one-way ticket to a madman's situation
Who, Me? In which our hero does some accidental load testing
Software15 Jun 2020 | 61
Ooo, a mystery bit of script! Seems legit. Let's see what happens when we run it
Who, Me? A bit more time on coding could save hours in the mail room
Software08 Jun 2020 | 73
Bite me? It's 'byte', and that acronym is Binary Interface Transfer Code Handler
Who, Me? Beware the forgotten bit of test text lurking in the application
Software01 Jun 2020 | 81
Dude, where's my laser?
Who, Me? In the wonderful world of the US military, anything is plausible
Science25 May 2020 | 89
A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo
Who, Me? Row, row, row your boat, gently down the... BOOM
Security18 May 2020 | 168
'We're changing shift, and no one can log on!' It was at this moment our hero knew server-lugging chap had screwed up
Who, Me? Where's the DHCP box? It's behind y... oh heck
Systems11 May 2020 | 72
Britain has no idea how close it came to ATMs flooding the streets with free money thanks to some crap code, 1970s style
Who, Me? But a rather purple tester put paid to that inflation-baiting bug
Software04 May 2020 | 143
Dumpster diving to revive a crashing NetWare server? It was acceptable in the '90s
Who, Me? Broken pencil + ball of stolen Blu Tack = IT joy
Systems27 Apr 2020 | 107
Getting a pizza the action, AS/400 style
Who, Me? It looks like you need some pepperoni and cheese. Do you want some help with that?
Systems20 Apr 2020 | 190
Animal crossing? Nah! Farmyard frolics, courtesy of Novell and pals
Who, Me? Giving students network messaging in the '90s. What could possibly go wrong? MY EYES!
Personal Tech13 Apr 2020 | 33
Real-time tragedy: Dumb deletion leaves librarian red-faced and fails to nix teenage kicks on the school network
Who, Me? Commanding & Conquering when nobody is looking
Personal Tech06 Apr 2020 | 118
Lost in translation and adrift in cloud storage
Who, Me? I like to move it, move it / You like to move it, move it
On-Prem30 Mar 2020 | 73
First impressions count when the world is taken by surprise by an exciting new (macro) virus
Who, Me? Almost 30 years of VBA and the mayhem miscreants wrought with it
Software23 Mar 2020 | 60
Control is only an illusion, no matter what you shove on the Netware share
Who, Me? Stop that van!
Software16 Mar 2020 | 49
You've duked it out with OS/2 – but how to deal with these troublesome users? Nukem
Who, Me? Disk-wiping utility was meant to be a force for good, not evil
Personal Tech09 Mar 2020 | 141
We regret to inform you there are severe delays on the token ring due to IT nerds blasting each other to bloody chunks
Who, Me? We're all Doomed
On-Prem02 Mar 2020 | 127
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to save data from a computer that should have died aeons ago
Who, Me? Drain you of your sanity, face the thing that should not be
Personal Tech24 Feb 2020 | 157
C'mon SPARCky, it's just an admin utility update. What could possibly go wrong?
Who, Me? Now, where was I? [tappity tap] ... BALLS!
Systems17 Feb 2020 | 174