A weekly column in which Register readers confess to messes they made in the pursuit of IT excellence.
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who, me? No crypto needed, just a project with a tough deadline that nobody minded missing
Software05 Dec 2022 | 188
How not to test a new system: push a button and wait to see what happens
Who, me? How to make an IBM engineer hyperventilate, or get a promotion: see above.
Systems28 Nov 2022 | 85
Job 1: Get the boss on the network. Job 2: Figure out why Job 1 broke the network for everyone else
Who, Me? Running a theme park Help Desk was a non-stop roller coaster ride, and not in a fun way
Networks21 Nov 2022 | 51
Just follow the instructions … no wait, not that instruction to lock everyone out of everything
Who, Me? When RTFM goes bad
On-Prem14 Nov 2022 | 163
Run a demo on live data? Sure! What could possibly go wrong? Hang on. Are you sure that's not working?
who, me? To quote the great philosopher Han Solo: Don't get cocky
Software07 Nov 2022 | 56
The boss worked in a fishbowl, so office tricks were a treat
Who, Me? Phones weren't made to fly
Personal Tech31 Oct 2022 | 105
Data loss prevention emergency tactic: keep your finger on the power button for the foreseeable future
Who, Me? When switches really were switches, one reader managed to avert a potential disaster
Systems24 Oct 2022 | 130
Loathsome eighties ladder-climber levelled by a custom DOS prompt
Who, Me? This wasn't WarGames – it was far more serious
Software17 Oct 2022 | 114
Tetchy trainee turned the lights down low to teach turgid lecturer a lesson
Who, Me? Sure, I’ll sit here all day taking notes because you’re too cheap to print them out
Personal Tech03 Oct 2022 | 119
Bad UI killed the radio star
Who, Me? Rules, it turns out, are not meant to be broken. Especially by the person who wrote the rule about how to protect data
Storage19 Sep 2022 | 44
Salesperson's tech dream delivered by ill-equipped consultant who charged for the inevitable fix
Who,Me? ‘I had a sharp new suit and a misplaced sense of confidence’ – and made a costly mistake
Channel05 Sep 2022 | 56
You can never have too many backups. Also, you can never have too many backups
Who, Me? A Reg reader comes to appreciate the value of paper
Columnists29 Aug 2022 | 115
In a time before calculators, going the extra mile at work sometimes didn't add up
Who, Me? New kid on the block risked decimating colleagues' side hustle
Software22 Aug 2022 | 352
Keep your cables tidy. You never know when someone might need some wine
Who, Me? Brute force and ignorance does not win the day
On-Prem15 Aug 2022 | 86
Yeah, we'll just take that first network handshake. What could possibly go wrong?
Who, Me? Almost taking the fall for another person's mistake
Networks08 Aug 2022 | 93
A character catastrophe for a joker working his last day
Who, Me? Or: How to give 1,000 workers an extended lunchbreak
On-Prem25 Jul 2022 | 128
Just because you failed doesn't mean you weren't right
Who, Me? And this is why we test the tests
Offbeat18 Jul 2022 | 76
Getting that syncing feeling after an Exchange restore
Who, Me? We've got the whole weekend. What could go wrong?
Columnists04 Jul 2022 | 83
You need to RTFM, but feel free to use your brain too
Who, Me? But I was only following the procedures!
Systems27 Jun 2022 | 193
Know the difference between a bin and /bin unless you want a new doorstop
Who, Me? Short sharp loss of privileges for poor sysadmin who emptied that directory
Personal Tech20 Jun 2022 | 154
Whatever you do, don't show initiative if you value your job
Who, Me? If I delete all these duplicate files, everything will run much smoother!
Software13 Jun 2022 | 99
Brute force and whiskey: The solution to all life's problems
Who, Me? Just make sure to drink it AFTER the rocket has successfully launched
Science06 Jun 2022 | 85
Keeping your head as an entire database goes pear-shaped
Who, Me? How do you spell 'backup' again? 'D' 'R' 'O' 'P'...
Databases30 May 2022 | 135
Beware the fury of a database developer torn from tables and SQL
Who, Me? Not so much process privilege rings, more circles of hell
Databases23 May 2022 | 176
September 16, 1992, was not a good day to be overly enthusiastic about your job
Who, Me? If I get in early and work hard, everyone will notice, right?
Columnists16 May 2022 | 64
An international incident or just some finger trouble at the console?
Who, Me? All routers are equal, but some are more equal than others
Networks09 May 2022 | 114
A discounting disaster averted at the expense of one's own employment
Who, Me? I know what this process needs: Microsoft Access!
Databases02 May 2022 | 87
In IT, no good deed ever goes unpunished
Who, Me? When being helpful can mean being shown the door
Columnists25 Apr 2022 | 71
An early crack at network management with an unfortunate logfile
Who, Me? It's a backronym, right?
Software18 Apr 2022 | 61
What do you do when all your source walks out the door?
Who, Me? Where the phrase 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' originates
Software11 Apr 2022 | 125
If you fire someone, don't let them hang around a month to finish code
Who, Me? Beware the terminated techie: Revenge is a dish best preceded by an asterisk
Software04 Apr 2022 | 282
Debugging source is even harder when you can't stop laughing at it
Who, Me? Forgive the self-taught Visual Basic programmer, for they know not what they do. Or do they?
Software28 Mar 2022 | 209
The IBM System/360 Model 40 told you to WHAT now?
Who, Me? When a software update reveals what you really think
Software21 Mar 2022 | 85
Prototype app outperforms and outlasts outsourced production version
Who, Me? Behind every successful company there is that one weird Visual Basic 3 app still running the show
Applications14 Mar 2022 | 103
IT blamed after HR forgets to install sockets in new office
Who, Me? Walls? Check. Windows? Check. Did we forget something? Yes, but just feel the carpet
On-Prem07 Mar 2022 | 245
IT advice fuelled by beer is the best IT advice of all, right?
Who, Me? Taking aim at the messenger
On-Prem28 Feb 2022 | 51
Beware the techie who takes things literally
Who, Me? 'If it works already, why pay' says the boss... because of course he does
Columnists21 Feb 2022 | 94
Beware the big bang in the network room
Who, Me? Trust me, we're going to need a bigger maintenance window
Systems14 Feb 2022 | 101
To err is human. To really tmux things up requires an engineer
Who, Me? The unbearable persistence of data
Software07 Feb 2022 | 135
When forgetting to set a password for root is the least of your woes
Who, Me? A tale of command line booby traps and bored engineers
Systems31 Jan 2022 | 156
Pop quiz: The network team didn't make your change. The server is in a locked room. What do you do?
Who, Me? Not all heroes wear capes. Some are Unix admins.
Systems24 Jan 2022 | 130
Planning for power cuts? That's strictly for the birds
Who, Me? Please Mr Hitchcock, no more. The UPS can't take it
On-Prem17 Jan 2022 | 188
To err is human. To really screw things up requires a wayward screwdriver
Who, Me? Plug and play, 1970s style
On-Prem10 Jan 2022 | 126
A time when cabling was not so much 'structured' than 'survival of the fittest'
Who, Me? Sometimes a screwdriver is not the only tool you need
On-Prem03 Jan 2022 | 144
It's the day before the grand opening but we need a firmware update. It'll be fine
Who, Me? Modern drinks are rubbish
Software27 Dec 2021 | 110
Wi-Fi not working? It's time to consult the lovely people on those fine Linux forums
Who, Me? It's all open source's fault! Or is it?
Networks20 Dec 2021 | 222
Ooh, an update. Let's install it. What could possibly go wro-
Who, Me? Patching the patch
Security13 Dec 2021 | 96
How to destroy expensive test kit: What does that button do?
Who, Me? Fidgety fingers and boredom = trouble
On-Prem06 Dec 2021 | 77
When civilisation ends, a Xenix box will be running a long-forgotten job somewhere
Who, Me? 'Keep it running a few weeks.' Fast-forward 5 years. 'Why'd it break, man!?'
On-Prem29 Nov 2021 | 147
A tiny typo in an automated email to thousands of customers turns out to be a big problem for legal
Who, Me? Unexpected consequences of the SQL Slammer worm
Security22 Nov 2021 | 156
There's only one cure for passive-aggressive Space Invader bosses, and that's more passive aggression
Who, Me? For when a terse email just won't do
Networks15 Nov 2021 | 85
Pulling down a partition or knocking through a door does not necessarily make for a properly connected workspace
Who, Me? I don't care about your problems, it works fine here
On-Prem08 Nov 2021 | 92
IT god exposed as false idol by quirks of Java – until he laid his hands on the server
Who, Me? Look on my works and despair. After you've emptied the trash
Software01 Nov 2021 | 65
Orders wrong, resellers receiving wrong items? Must be a programming error and certainly not a rushing techie
Who, Me? Some of those punch cards may still be lying at the bottom of a lift shaft
Networks25 Oct 2021 | 112
What do you mean you gave the boss THAT version of the report? Oh, ****ing ****balls
NSFW Who, Me? Say what you mean
Networks18 Oct 2021 | 87
Config cockup leaves Reg reader reaching for the phone
Who, Me? Yet another thing that was really not better in the old days
Columnists11 Oct 2021 | 71
Firewalls? Pfft – it's no match for my mighty spares-bin PC
Who, Me? You say 'temporary', they hear 'permanent'
Security04 Oct 2021 | 90
Don't touch that dial – the new guy just closed the application that no one is meant to close
Who, Me? An unexpected round of Just A Minute for a unsuspecting Weather Presenter
Applications27 Sep 2021 | 124
I would drive 100 miles and I would drive 100 more just to be the man that drove 200 miles to... hit the enter key
Who, Me? When a server crash became a motorway dash
Systems20 Sep 2021 | 83
You want us to make a change? We can do it, but it'll cost you...
Who, Me? How does $100k per character sound? And that's just for labour
Software13 Sep 2021 | 78