A weekly column in which Register readers confess to messes they made in the pursuit of IT excellence.
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Who, Me? Brute force and ignorance does not win the day
On-Prem15 Aug 2022 | 85
Yeah, we'll just take that first network handshake. What could possibly go wrong?
Who, Me? Almost taking the fall for another person's mistake
Networks08 Aug 2022 | 93
A character catastrophe for a joker working his last day
Who, Me? Or: How to give 1,000 workers an extended lunchbreak
On-Prem25 Jul 2022 | 128
Just because you failed doesn't mean you weren't right
Who, Me? And this is why we test the tests
Offbeat18 Jul 2022 | 76
Getting that syncing feeling after an Exchange restore
Who, Me? We've got the whole weekend. What could go wrong?
Columnists04 Jul 2022 | 83
You need to RTFM, but feel free to use your brain too
Who, Me? But I was only following the procedures!
Systems27 Jun 2022 | 193
Know the difference between a bin and /bin unless you want a new doorstop
Who, Me? Short sharp loss of privileges for poor sysadmin who emptied that directory
Personal Tech20 Jun 2022 | 154
Whatever you do, don't show initiative if you value your job
Who, Me? If I delete all these duplicate files, everything will run much smoother!
Software13 Jun 2022 | 99
Brute force and whiskey: The solution to all life's problems
Who, Me? Just make sure to drink it AFTER the rocket has successfully launched
Science06 Jun 2022 | 81
Keeping your head as an entire database goes pear-shaped
Who, Me? How do you spell 'backup' again? 'D' 'R' 'O' 'P'...
Databases30 May 2022 | 134
Beware the fury of a database developer torn from tables and SQL
Who, Me? Not so much process privilege rings, more circles of hell
Databases23 May 2022 | 176
September 16, 1992, was not a good day to be overly enthusiastic about your job
Who, Me? If I get in early and work hard, everyone will notice, right?
Columnists16 May 2022 | 64
An international incident or just some finger trouble at the console?
Who, Me? All routers are equal, but some are more equal than others
Networks09 May 2022 | 114
A discounting disaster averted at the expense of one's own employment
Who, Me? I know what this process needs: Microsoft Access!
Databases02 May 2022 | 87
In IT, no good deed ever goes unpunished
Who, Me? When being helpful can mean being shown the door
Columnists25 Apr 2022 | 71
An early crack at network management with an unfortunate logfile
Who, Me? It's a backronym, right?
Software18 Apr 2022 | 61
What do you do when all your source walks out the door?
Who, Me? Where the phrase 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' originates
Software11 Apr 2022 | 126
If you fire someone, don't let them hang around a month to finish code
Who, Me? Beware the terminated techie: Revenge is a dish best preceded by an asterisk
Software04 Apr 2022 | 282
Debugging source is even harder when you can't stop laughing at it
Who, Me? Forgive the self-taught Visual Basic programmer, for they know not what they do. Or do they?
Software28 Mar 2022 | 209
The IBM System/360 Model 40 told you to WHAT now?
Who, Me? When a software update reveals what you really think
Software21 Mar 2022 | 85
Prototype app outperforms and outlasts outsourced production version
Who, Me? Behind every successful company there is that one weird Visual Basic 3 app still running the show
Applications14 Mar 2022 | 103
IT blamed after HR forgets to install sockets in new office
Who, Me? Walls? Check. Windows? Check. Did we forget something? Yes, but just feel the carpet
On-Prem07 Mar 2022 | 245
IT advice fuelled by beer is the best IT advice of all, right?
Who, Me? Taking aim at the messenger
On-Prem28 Feb 2022 | 51
Beware the techie who takes things literally
Who, Me? 'If it works already, why pay' says the boss... because of course he does
Columnists21 Feb 2022 | 94
Beware the big bang in the network room
Who, Me? Trust me, we're going to need a bigger maintenance window
Systems14 Feb 2022 | 101
To err is human. To really tmux things up requires an engineer
Who, Me? The unbearable persistence of data
Software07 Feb 2022 | 135
When forgetting to set a password for root is the least of your woes
Who, Me? A tale of command line booby traps and bored engineers
Systems31 Jan 2022 | 156
Pop quiz: The network team didn't make your change. The server is in a locked room. What do you do?
Who, Me? Not all heroes wear capes. Some are Unix admins.
Systems24 Jan 2022 | 130
Planning for power cuts? That's strictly for the birds
Who, Me? Please Mr Hitchcock, no more. The UPS can't take it
On-Prem17 Jan 2022 | 188
To err is human. To really screw things up requires a wayward screwdriver
Who, Me? Plug and play, 1970s style
On-Prem10 Jan 2022 | 126
A time when cabling was not so much 'structured' than 'survival of the fittest'
Who, Me? Sometimes a screwdriver is not the only tool you need
On-Prem03 Jan 2022 | 144
It's the day before the grand opening but we need a firmware update. It'll be fine
Who, Me? Modern drinks are rubbish
Software27 Dec 2021 | 110
Wi-Fi not working? It's time to consult the lovely people on those fine Linux forums
Who, Me? It's all open source's fault! Or is it?
Networks20 Dec 2021 | 222
Ooh, an update. Let's install it. What could possibly go wro-
Who, Me? Patching the patch
Security13 Dec 2021 | 96
How to destroy expensive test kit: What does that button do?
Who, Me? Fidgety fingers and boredom = trouble
On-Prem06 Dec 2021 | 77
When civilisation ends, a Xenix box will be running a long-forgotten job somewhere
Who, Me? 'Keep it running a few weeks.' Fast-forward 5 years. 'Why'd it break, man!?'
On-Prem29 Nov 2021 | 147
A tiny typo in an automated email to thousands of customers turns out to be a big problem for legal
Who, Me? Unexpected consequences of the SQL Slammer worm
Security22 Nov 2021 | 156
There's only one cure for passive-aggressive Space Invader bosses, and that's more passive aggression
Who, Me? For when a terse email just won't do
Networks15 Nov 2021 | 85
Pulling down a partition or knocking through a door does not necessarily make for a properly connected workspace
Who, Me? I don't care about your problems, it works fine here
On-Prem08 Nov 2021 | 92
IT god exposed as false idol by quirks of Java – until he laid his hands on the server
Who, Me? Look on my works and despair. After you've emptied the trash
Software01 Nov 2021 | 65
Orders wrong, resellers receiving wrong items? Must be a programming error and certainly not a rushing techie
Who, Me? Some of those punch cards may still be lying at the bottom of a lift shaft
Networks25 Oct 2021 | 112
What do you mean you gave the boss THAT version of the report? Oh, ****ing ****balls
NSFW Who, Me? Say what you mean
Networks18 Oct 2021 | 87
Config cockup leaves Reg reader reaching for the phone
Who, Me? Yet another thing that was really not better in the old days
Columnists11 Oct 2021 | 71
Firewalls? Pfft – it's no match for my mighty spares-bin PC
Who, Me? You say 'temporary', they hear 'permanent'
Security04 Oct 2021 | 90
Don't touch that dial – the new guy just closed the application that no one is meant to close
Who, Me? An unexpected round of Just A Minute for a unsuspecting Weather Presenter
Applications27 Sep 2021 | 124
I would drive 100 miles and I would drive 100 more just to be the man that drove 200 miles to... hit the enter key
Who, Me? When a server crash became a motorway dash
Systems20 Sep 2021 | 83
You want us to make a change? We can do it, but it'll cost you...
Who, Me? How does $100k per character sound? And that's just for labour
Software13 Sep 2021 | 78
A practical demonstration of the difference between 'resilient' and 'redundant'
Who, Me? Bump and grind in the server racks
Networks06 Sep 2021 | 72
How to stop a content filter becoming a career-shortening network component
Who, Me? He's not just a Big Cheese. He's a very naughty boy
Columnists31 Aug 2021 | 69
Hacking the computer with wirewraps and soldering irons: Just fix the issues as they come up, right?
Who, Me? The neverending battle betweeen youthful optimism and aged cyncism
Columnists23 Aug 2021 | 103
Scalpel! Superglue! This mouse won't fix its own ball
Who, Me? Desk detritus baffles even the brainiest of boffins
Personal Tech16 Aug 2021 | 108
Electrocution? All part of the service, sir!
Who, Me? Going out with a bang
Personal Tech09 Aug 2021 | 145
Undebug my heart: Using Cisco's IOS to take down capitalism – accidentally
Who, Me? Two little letters is all it takes
Networks02 Aug 2021 | 65
Somebody is destined for somewhere hot, and definitely not Coventry
Who, Me? Praise be for Firewalls
Security26 Jul 2021 | 74
How to keep your enterprise up to date by deploying the very latest malware
Who, Me? Salesmen suffer after suspicious surfing
Columnists19 Jul 2021 | 71
Ah, I see you found my PowerShell script called 'SiteReview' – that does not mean what you think it means
Who, Me? Updated It's certainly not for that
Applications12 Jul 2021 | 104
One good deed leads to a storm in an Exchange Server
Who, Me? Enthusiasm and youth are once again no match for age and cunning
Software05 Jul 2021 | 82
Hmmmmm, how to cool that overheating CPU, if only there was a solution...
Who, Me? Garden hose + handy tap = bad times
On-Prem28 Jun 2021 | 60
Updating in production, like a boss
Who, Me? The pain in Spain comes mainly from a lack of training
Software21 Jun 2021 | 130
Do you come from a land Down Under? Where diesel's low and techies blunder
Who, Me? UPS = Uninterruptable Pager Spying
Networks14 Jun 2021 | 102