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Techie traveled 4 hours to fix software that worked perfectly until a new hire used it
On Call Sometimes the 'R' in RTFM stands for 'Remember'
Columnists20 Jun 2025 | 158
On Call
What is on call?
On Call is the name of The Register's weekly column featuring tales from readers who are designated as being "On Call" - meaning they are required to handle support or service calls outside of normal working hours. For example, staff may be on call to provide support over the weekend, and are required to carry the tools needed to provide support and ensure they are in a condition to do so (which means staying sober!). Organizations usually create rosters so that someone is always on call to provide support. Those rosters are created so that organizations can handle emergencies.
The On Call column features stories of our readers being asked to deal with weird, tricky, or baffling problems or requests for help when they were on call. The column always welcomes new contributions - email our team via oncall@theregister.com if you want to contribute a tale.
User demanded a ‘wireless’ computer and was outraged when its battery died
On Call Abusive manager had to be told there's no such thing as an atomic laptop
Personal Tech13 Jun 2025 | 210
Techie traced cables from basement to maternity ward and onto a roof, before a car crash revealed the problem
On Call Doctor? Why does this hospital network run in such strange places?
Networks06 Jun 2025 | 103
Techie fixed a ‘brown monitor’ by closing a door for a doctor
On Call After three service calls, user reflected on their utter stupidity
On-Prem30 May 2025 | 176
User unboxed a PC so badly it 'broke' and only a nail file could fix it
On Call For once, the IT department was rewarded for finding the fix, and the perfect-if-unexpected fixer
Personal Tech23 May 2025 | 129
Dilettante dev wrote rubbish, left no logs, and had no idea why his app wasn't working
On Call Self-taught coders who work in HR and have a doctorate in English tend to do that
Applications16 May 2025 | 197
BROADER TOPICS
People find amazing ways to break computers. Cats are even more creative
On Call PC repair chap turned pet detective to diagnose the defective
Personal Tech09 May 2025 | 147
Techie solved supposed software problem by waving his arms in the air
On Call Used his loaf and found sweet solution for bakery borkage
On-Prem02 May 2025 | 128
Techie diagnosed hardware fault by checking customer's coffee
On Call Volts make jolts
On-Prem25 Apr 2025 | 117
Need a Linux admin? Ask a hair stylist to introduce you to a worried mother
On Call Lad who 'stays in his bedroom on his computer' emerged ready to deliver brilliant tech support
OSes18 Apr 2025 | 97
Users hated a new app – maybe so much they filed a fake support call
On Call Sysadmin sent on road trip that required a lot of time doing nothing
Columnists11 Apr 2025 | 98
How do you explain what magnetic fields do to monitors to people wearing bowling shoes?
On Call Techie demoed the effect in about 3 seconds, as On Call again tries to break tech-support world records
Personal Tech04 Apr 2025 | 157
To avoid disaster-recovery disasters, learn from Reg readers' experiences
On Call Special Nobody’s tested the tapes this decade, thinks to back up the Recycle Bin, or takes care when using rm
Disaster Recovery Week01 Apr 2025 | 90
Tech support session saved files, but probably ended a marriage
On Call Self-described 'visionary' made life hell for our hero, then some oily vids returned the favor
Personal Tech28 Mar 2025 | 118
Weeks with a BBC Micro? Good enough to fix a mainframe, apparently
On Call With only BASIC knowledge to fall back on, and a typing pool in tears, the OFF switch looked very attractive
On-Prem21 Mar 2025 | 158
User complained his mouse wasn’t working. But he wasn’t using a mouse
On Call The same chap also caused a bomb scare in a missile factory
Personal Tech14 Mar 2025 | 114
Glitchy taxi tech blew cover on steamy dispatch dalliance
On Call When 'pickup' means more than just a ride
Software07 Mar 2025 | 86
One stupid keystroke exposed sysadmin to inappropriate information he could not unsee
On Call Turns out you can be too careful checking that backups worked
Storage28 Feb 2025 | 182
DIMM techies weren’t allowed to leave the building until proven to not be pilferers
On Call Who knew a script could make RAM re-appear?
Storage21 Feb 2025 | 130
Techie cleaned up criminally bad tech support that was probably also an actual crime
On Call Outsourcing is not supposed to involve taking clients' hardware out of their building to your house
Storage14 Feb 2025 | 118
I was told to make backups, not test them. Why does that make you look so worried?
On Call Shabby admin invented 'transparent tape' – a terrible storage medium but a magic tool for unlocking IT budgets
Storage07 Feb 2025 | 196
Arrr! Can a sailor's marlinspike fix a busted backplane?
On Call 'Ancient mariner' who came to make the fix in historical costume was such a shock nobody made a pirate joke
On-Prem31 Jan 2025 | 67
User said he did nothing that explained his dead PC – does a new motherboard count?
On Call Then suggested a bloke down the pub might be able to help fix it
Personal Tech24 Jan 2025 | 139
Tech support fill-in given no budget, no help, no training, and no empathy for his plight
On Call Fixed the problem anyway – with no approval for a purchase and no permission to use a device
Storage17 Jan 2025 | 86
Devs sent into security panic by 'feature that was helpful … until it wasn't'
On Call Screenshot showed it wasn't a possible attack – unless you qualify everything Google does as a threat
SaaS10 Jan 2025 | 79
Tech support warrior left cosplay battle and Trekked to the office
On Call Set aside the bat'leth to fix trivial problem for p'takh
On-Prem03 Jan 2025 | 72
After a long lunch, user thought a cursor meant their computer was cactus
On Call Reg-reading heroes snacked on their woes and solved problems with extreme speed
On-Prem27 Dec 2024 | 94
Techie fluked a fix and found himself the abusive boss's best friend
On Call And there his troubles began …
Software20 Dec 2024 | 125
Backup failed, but the boss didn't slam IT – because his son was to blame
On Call ISP deserves criticism too for falling over after script kiddie beefing
Networks13 Dec 2024 | 31
No, I can't help – you called the wrong helpdesk, in the wrong place, for the wrong platform
On Call Call the boss instead. He's not a big fan of sleep
On-Prem06 Dec 2024 | 157
Tech support chap showed boss how to use a browser for a year – he still didn't get it
On Call Every time he needed help, he'd use a loudspeaker to ask for it
Networks29 Nov 2024 | 207
Techie left 'For support, contact me' sign on a server. Twenty years later, someone did
On Call A certain very famous PC manufacturer may not be very good at documenting its legacy tech
On-Prem22 Nov 2024 | 96
That hardware will be more reliable if you stop stabbing it all day
On Call Knives and lasers don't mix … until they do
On-Prem15 Nov 2024 | 134
Tech support world record? 8.5 seconds from seeing to fixing
On Call Your very fastest resolution, delivered in a flash – even in The Time Before Google
On-Prem08 Nov 2024 | 275
Hide the keyboard – it's the only way to keep this software running
On Call Lunch can be surprisingly dangerous. So can tea
On-Prem01 Nov 2024 | 122
Your computer's not working? Sure, I can fix that problem – which I caused
On Call Not paying what you agreed for a job can prove expensive in the long run
Software25 Oct 2024 | 65
Yes, your network is down – you annoyed us so much we crashed it
On Call If you bluff your way out of unpaid bills, there's a chance someone could call you on it
Networks18 Oct 2024 | 205
Techie took five minutes to fix problem Adobe and Microsoft couldn't solve in two weeks
On Call This is why every admin loves to hate Windows
OSes11 Oct 2024 | 153
Revenge for being fired is best served profitably
On Call Why yes, I will help you again – for a price
Personal Tech04 Oct 2024 | 58
OS/2 expert channeled a higher power to dispel digital doom vortex
On Call 'He sat in a chair, rubbed his temple, and began to recite syntax as if performing magic'
OSes27 Sep 2024 | 176
Crack coder wasn't allowed to meet clients due to his other talent: Blisteringly inappropriate insults
On Call Then he stopped being a coding whiz, which is when the trouble started
Software20 Sep 2024 | 163
On Call’s Greatest Hits, as voted for by you, the readers
On Call The 20 most-commented-on tech support columns from On Call's first 500 instalments
Offbeat17 Sep 2024 | 17
Thank you, Reg Readers: On Call has turned 500!
Started on a whim, almost a decade later it's a fixture – and a marvelous demonstration of your wit and wisdom
Bootnotes15 Sep 2024 | 30
Muppet broke the datacenter every day, in its own weighty way
On Call Mr Snuffleupagus turned out to be all too real and bad at database resilience
On-Prem13 Sep 2024 | 83
To patch this server, we need to get someone drunk
On Call When maintenance windows are hard to open, a little lubrication helps
Patches06 Sep 2024 | 116
A nice cup of tea rewired the datacenter and got things working again
On Call See? The world’s second best hot non-alcoholic beverage can fix anything
On-Prem30 Aug 2024 | 116
Tech support chap solved knotty disk failure problem by staring at the floor
On Call A tale of retro tech – have you heard of Trivector computers? – and a very troubled tech support journey
On-Prem23 Aug 2024 | 113
Client tells techie: You're not leaving the country until this printer is working
On Call A long and strange tech support story that starts in Africa and ends in a Presidential Suite
On-Prem16 Aug 2024 | 60
Yes, I am being intolerably smug – because I ignored you and saved the project
On Call The minutes before a maintenance window closes are maybe not the best time to re-learn obscure router syntax
Offbeat02 Aug 2024 | 196
Customer bricked a phone – and threatened to brick techie's face with it
On Call There's a difference between a warranty and insurance. In this story the latter could fight back
Personal Tech26 Jul 2024 | 134
Dangerous sandwiches delayed hardware installation
On Call AV tech was left alone, locked down, and under severe pressure
On-Prem19 Jul 2024 | 138
Stop installing that software – you may have just died
On Call They're called role-playing games for a reason ...
Software12 Jul 2024 | 135
Innocent techie jailed for taking hours to fix storage
On Call Hello, hello … what have we here? One very dangerous storage admin, if I'm not mistaken
Storage05 Jul 2024 | 115
For the record: You just ordered me to cause a very expensive outage
On Call And ordered so rudely this techie had little interest in sticking around to fix the subsequent chaos
On-Prem28 Jun 2024 | 136
You're wrong, I'm right, and you're hiding the data that proves it
On Call There should be honor among techies, but it can be hard to admit error
Software21 Jun 2024 | 73
We need a volunteer to literally crawl over broken glass to fix this network
On Call Downside: High chance of injury. Upside: Permanent bragging rights at performance reviews
Networks14 Jun 2024 | 92
I didn't touch a thing – just some cables and a monitor – and my computer broke
On Call Lies, damned lies, and lies told by end-users who do their own tech support
On-Prem07 Jun 2024 | 197
Thanks for coming to help. No, we can't say why we called – it's classified
On Call Working under a cone of silence isn't easy if you get smart
On-Prem31 May 2024 | 171
Bad vibrations left techie shaken up during overnight database rebuild
On Call Slow and steady wins the race, but sometimes flooring it saves the day
On-Prem24 May 2024 | 97
Computer sprinkled with exotic chemicals produced super-problems, not super-powers
On Call The machine was so dead, hospital staff treated it like a corpse
Devops17 May 2024 | 95
I told Halle Berry where to go during a programming gig in LA
On Call Five-star techies share stories of working from the lap of luxury
Devops10 May 2024 | 95
I can fix this PC, boss, but I’ll need to play games for hours to do it
On Call Loyal Wingman has fond memories of memory register exceptions
Personal Tech03 May 2024 | 116
Biting the hand that feeds IT
