Offbeat News • The Register

Offbeat

US Navy in mad dash to salvage F-35C that fell off a carrier into South China Sea

Where Britain leads, America follows

28 Jan 22:44 | 11

Joe Danger rides to the rescue as ageing title tugs at the heartstrings

Hobby project sees Hello Games' first baby return at the request of a dedicated dad

28 Jan 19:02 | 3

HPE has 'substantially succeeded' in its £3.3bn fraud trial against Autonomy's Mike Lynch – judge

All eyes turn to Priti Patel as midnight extradition deadline looms

28 Jan 11:50 | 73

UK government responds to post-Brexit concerns and of course it's all the fault of those pesky EU negotiators

'Incalculable cost' of non-participation in Horizon programme 'continues to rise'

28 Jan 11:45 | 97

Crack team of boffins hash out how e-scooters should sound – but they need your help*

*They're probably fine

28 Jan 11:03 | 109

BOFH: On Wednesdays, we wear gloves

In which Simon meets the new accountant

28 Jan 09:30 | 56

Carked it, Diem? Zuckerberg's grand cryptocurrency thing may sell off assets for $200m

Facebook-born blockchain payment system's day well and truly seized

27 Jan 21:48 | 20

Burning plasma signals step forward in race for nuclear fusion as researchers get bigger capsule for their 192-laser experiment

But work at US security-linked lab falls short of true ignition. 'This is physics,' they say

27 Jan 12:32 | 37

Something 4,000 light years away emitted strange radio bursts. This is where we talk to scientists for actual info

'This experience has taught me that it's worth trying out looking at the sky in entirely new ways'

27 Jan 08:24 | 49

ESA's Solar Orbiter sneaks in bonus science by choking on the dust of a comet tail (again)

Plucky probe due to make closest pass to the Sun in March

26 Jan 17:59 | 3

How to polish the bottom line? Microsoft makes it really hard to claim expenses, say staffers

If even Captain PowerShell can't automate this, what hope is there for the rest of us?

26 Jan 16:17 | 65

Mike Lynch loses US extradition delay bid: Flight across the Atlantic looks closer than ever

Autonomy founder set for criminal trial on multiple counts of fraud over sale of biz to HPE

26 Jan 14:21 | 56

It's more than 20 years since Steps topped the charts. It could be less than that for STEP's first fusion energy

Anyone fancy a spherical tokamak in their backyard?

26 Jan 12:33 | 67

22-year-old Brit avoids US extradition over SIM-swapping conspiracy after judge deems him to be high suicide risk

Accused said to have suffered mental health problems from childhood

25 Jan 17:02 | 27

Do you know what TikTok is? Then you might make a good magistrate, says Ministry of Justice

82% of volunteers in England and Wales are aged 50 and above

25 Jan 16:16 | 28

Behold! The first line of defence for 25% of the US nuclear stockpile: Dolphins

Erm... should we be concerned?

25 Jan 13:16 | 52

James Webb Space Telescope has arrived at its new home – an orbit almost a million miles from Earth

Funnily enough, that's where we want to be right now, too

25 Jan 08:35 | 54

Assange can go to UK Supreme Court (again) to fend off US extradition bid

Top Brit judges may consider whether an American prison is just too much

24 Jan 21:08 | 22

Rolls-Royce consortium shopping for factory sites to build mini-nuclear reactors

Hunt follows £210m government funding in small modular reactor model

24 Jan 15:09 | 136

IBM forges entanglement to double quantum simulations by 'cutting up a larger circuit into smaller circuits'

Littler circuits executing on smaller hardware and tolerating 'a lot more noise'

24 Jan 13:35 | 6

Popular

Court papers indicate text messages from HMRC's 60886 number could snoop on Brit taxpayers' locations

Bitter contract dispute revealed HLR lookup capability baked into agreement

Hardware boffin starts work on simulation of an entire IBM S/360 Model 50 mainframe

With microcode intact so it can talk to an original operator's console

Imagination GPU cleared for RISC-V CPU compatibility, licensed to chip designers

We love it when a plan comes together

For first time in nearly 17 years, stable Linux kernel version has over 999 commits – but not everyone heard about it

'Script was adding the cc: to msg.000 not msg.0000'

US DoD staffer with top-secret clearance stole identities from work systems to apply for loans

Plus: Apple patches exploited-in-the-wild bug, White House zero-trust order, and more

Toaster-friendly alternative web protocol Gemini attracts criticism for becoming exclusive clique

While creators were stripping away annoying styling, users started to make Geminispace a bunker, says engineer

Something 4,000 light years away emitted strange radio bursts. This is where we talk to scientists for actual info

'This experience has taught me that it's worth trying out looking at the sky in entirely new ways'

Instant Ump: HP Inc's subscription ink services hiking prices from next month

Customers in mid-tier band facing up to 50% higher fees... and they're delighted

Intel fails to get Spectre, Meltdown chip flaw class-action super-suit tossed out

Cheesed-off customers have 'alleged enough facts at this stage' to allow legal battle to continue, says judge

BOFH: On Wednesdays, we wear gloves

In which Simon meets the new accountant

MORE
STORIES

Robot vacuum cleaner employed by Brit budget hotel chain Travelodge flees

Unit dragged back to work after being found under hedge a day later

24 Jan 12:28 | 56

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... a massive black hole spewed out gases that probably helped make stars

As it destroys so it creates

24 Jan 11:47 | 16

Bork!Bork!Bork!

Elvis may have left the building, but Windows remains very much on show

Just like the '68 Comeback Special, Bork has returned

24 Jan 11:02 | 13

Dog forgets all about risk of drowning in a marsh as soon as drone dangles a sausage

It's not the wurst idea in the world

21 Jan 20:01 | 35

Almost there: James Webb Space Telescope frees its mirrors and prepares for insertion

Freed of launch restraints, mirror segments can waggle at will

21 Jan 19:06 | 68

Multi-level marketing corporation that sells weightloss products sues ex-exec over 'fraudulent' Dell deal

Alleges he had an off-the-books agreement with reseller

21 Jan 17:29 | 10

'95% original' film star Spitfire could be yours for a mere £4.5m (or 0.05 Pogbas)

Freshly overhauled, several careful owners

21 Jan 16:28 | 52

Joint European Torus celebrates 100,000 pulses: Neither Brexit nor middle age has stopped '80s era experiment

Fusion energy projects nearing 40th anniversary

21 Jan 14:29 | 38

BOFH: What a beautiful classic car. Shame if anything were to happen to it

And look, your COVID pass is all melted...

21 Jan 10:32 | 57

Something for the Weekend, Sir?

'Can you identify your assailants?' Yes, they were pixelated! I'd know them anywhere!

'Inside' knowledge on the image database conundrum – at 25 frames per second

21 Jan 09:30 | 39

If you want less CGI and more real effects in movies, you may get your wish: Inflatable film studio to orbit Earth

What a retirement for the ISS: Gaining a totally feasible 'state-of-the-art media production capability'

21 Jan 01:36 | 39

NASA's gamma-ray-burst alert satellite put into safe mode after suspected reaction wheel failure

To be fair, this is after 17 years of service in space

21 Jan 00:31 | 6

Working overtime? Those extra hours might not be hurting your wellbeing after all – just don't tell Jeff Bezos or Jack Ma

If you love your job, going the extra mile might not be stressful or cause depression

20 Jan 15:44 | 22

SpaceX Starlink sat streaks now present in nearly a fifth of all astronomical images snapped by Caltech telescope

Annoying, maybe – but totally ruining this science, maybe not

20 Jan 00:49 | 25

UK data watchdog slaps Ministry of Justice with Enforcement Notice for breaking GDPR law

ICO threatens £17.5m fine over late processing of subject access requests

19 Jan 15:32 | 14

Microsoft sends HoloLens 2 into a care home... Nope, not a headline gag about retiring the tech. They actually did this

Hands-free kit a 'game changer' for doctors assessing residents during pandemic

19 Jan 14:02 | 4

NASA's Curiosity finds signs of ancient life on Mars. Or maybe not. More data needed

Rover heats up samples, sniffs carbon signature associated with biological processes on Earth

19 Jan 13:13 | 27

I own that $4.5bn of digi-dosh so rewrite your blockchain and give it to me, Craig Wright tells Bitcoin SV devs

Oh look, another High Court sueball over cryptocurrencies

19 Jan 11:01 | 95

Autonomy's Mike Lynch gets yet another judgment date as US extradition wrangling continues

Brit exec plays extremely expensive game of hurry up and wait

19 Jan 07:30 | 22

ESA boss gives update on stricken Sentinel-1B imaging satellite: All is not lost yet

Still borked, 1C and 1D are waiting in the wings

19 Jan 06:32 | 5

Big shock: Guy who fled political violence and became rich in tech now struggles to care about political violence

'I recognize that I come across as lacking empathy,' billionaire VC admits

18 Jan 22:37 | 50

European Space Agency whittles wannabe astronauts down from 23,000 to 1,391

Could there be a South Korean TV show somewhere in this?

18 Jan 15:29 | 10

Billionaires see wealth double during pandemic as tech bros lead the charge

Now what – in the middle of a pandemic – is a useful thing we could do with that $800bn extra dosh, Oxfam wonders

18 Jan 14:00 | 52

Autonomy founder's anti-extradition case is like saying Moon made of cheese, US govt tells UK court

Lynch fears US.gov will add yet more charges against him

18 Jan 09:30 | 50

Move over exoplanets, exomoons are the next big thing

Is that an extremely large moon we see outside the solar system, astro-boffins ask themselves

17 Jan 15:25 | 23

Epoch-alypse now: BBC iPlayer flaunts 2038 cutoff date, gives infrastructure game away

Nobody expects the Linux malposition, do they, Michael Palin?

17 Jan 11:34 | 102

Alien life on Super-Earth can survive longer than us due to long-lasting protection from cosmic rays

Laser experiments show their magnetic fields shielding their surfaces from radiation last longer

15 Jan 09:09 | 76

Google and Facebook's top execs allegedly approved dividing ad market among themselves

Latest iteration of Texas-led antitrust complaint against Google expands claims of bad behavior

15 Jan 01:10 | 42

Lawmakers propose TLDR Act because no one reads Terms of Service agreements

The bill calls for concise, machine readable summaries of how websites and apps use client data

14 Jan 22:33 | 36

Support specialist Rimini Street found in contempt of court for continued Oracle copyright infringements

It took two years for Big Red to find five breaches

14 Jan 20:15 | 12

Virgin Orbit's LauncherOne rocket deploys seven satellites with third successful mission

Paperwork needs sorting for a launch from the UK

14 Jan 19:28 | 14

No more DRM-free downloads as Amazon's ComiXology app set to disappear inside Kindle

Time to back up those PDFs you've been hoarding

14 Jan 13:44 | 34

Microsoft hires law firm to review sexual harassment policies, probe gender discrimination

Tech giant promises to create an implementation plan based on outcome

14 Jan 12:15 | 7

Could BYOB (Bring Your Own Battery) offer a solution for charging electric vehicles? Microlino seems to think so

The Register talks to co-founder about supply chains and EV assembly

14 Jan 09:28 | 86

Weed dispensary software company's ambitions pruned after Spotify trademark clash

Because they tried to call it Potify

13 Jan 10:17 | 52

HMRC tool for measuring IR35 status is so great, employers are ditching it in their droves

Survey shows majority of UK firms have lost at least half of their contractors over tax reform

13 Jan 09:30 | 44

Anonymous employee review site Glassdoor research: Tech companies dominate the best places to work

But is industry wealth, a skills shortage or a self-selecting sample creating the result?

12 Jan 19:33 | 34

NASA's Mars InSight trips into safe mode and ESA's Sentinel-1B gives scientists the silent treatment

12 Jan 17:01 | 22

Software engineer jailed for 2 years after using RATs and crypters to steal underage victims' intimate pics

Another one who pleaded autism in mitigation

12 Jan 16:16 | 96

A slice is better than none: Apple gives in, allows third-party app billing systems in Korea, per local law

Company follows in the footsteps of its buddy Google

12 Jan 13:15 | 11

North Korea says it's launched a third hypersonic missile, this time reaching Mach 10

South Korea piqued as FAA grounds west coast aircraft

12 Jan 11:43 | 27

Massive rugby ball-shaped planet emerges from scrum of space 'scope sightings

It was worth a try

12 Jan 06:23 | 41

European Space Agency: Come on, hack our satellite if you think you're hard enough

Space: The final frontier for cybersecurity

11 Jan 17:15 | 16

Meta Platforms demands staffers provide proof of COVID-19 booster vaccine before returning to office

Net closing in on anti-vaxxers as growing band of tech titans get tougher on jabs

11 Jan 15:33 | 101

Perseverance on the rocks: Pebbles clog up the rover's Martian sample collection

Engineers try to clear material so Mars bot can continue drilling

11 Jan 07:31 | 34

Canon: Chip supplies are so bad that our ink cartridges will look as though they're fakes

The solution? Click the annoying error messages away and keep printing

10 Jan 14:32 | 122

The James Webb Space Telescope has only gone and deployed its primary mirror

And you thought unfolding the table for Christmas dinner was tricky

10 Jan 12:00 | 65

Feeling virtuous with a good old paperback? Well, don't. Switching to traditional media does not improve mood

Study hopes to take the elitism out media consumption

07 Jan 18:29 | 53

Notes on the untimely demise of 3D Pinball for Windows

Sure, there was a collision detection bug. Turns out somebody then quietly fixed it

07 Jan 17:34 | 36

Robotic arm on China's space station does a demo, swings out 20 degrees and back while holding cargo ship

Plan is to use the arm to finish putting the outpost together

07 Jan 11:44 | 21

Something for the Weekend, Sir?

Not looking forward to a greyscale 2022? Then look back to the past in 64 colours

Any colour you like as long as it's black. Or white

07 Jan 09:30 | 139

Nothing's working, and I've checked everything, so it must be YOUR fault

Yes, but are you sure? Really sure?

07 Jan 08:35 | 161

North Korea worried a lot of countries when it said it test-fired a hypersonic missile in Japan's direction

South Korea thinks they just went ballistic

06 Jan 19:03 | 13

Bitcoin 'inventor' will face forgery claims over his Satoshi Nakamoto proof, rules High Court

COPA load of that

06 Jan 15:57 | 76

Ceefax replica goes TITSUP* as folk pine for simpler times

But creator runs server from home – we can forgive him

06 Jan 13:13 | 95

Fugitive mafioso evaded cops for two decades until he was spotted on Google Street View

Wanted killer cuffed in Spain after more evidence from Facebook

06 Jan 07:25 | 40

Heart attack victim 'saved' by defibrillator delivery drone*

* And a passerby who happened to be a doctor

06 Jan 06:27 | 64

NASA confirms International Space Station is to keep orbiting through 2030

Patching over the cracks in partner relations and pressurised modules for a few extra years

05 Jan 20:07 | 26

Alexa and Webex to hitch a ride around the Moon on Artemis I – what could possibly go wrong?

How far's the Moon now? ... Here's 'How Soon Is Now?' from your Spotify playlist

05 Jan 17:26 | 15

Facebook files challenge to UK Giphy buyout ban by complaining CMA was 'unfair' and 'irrational'

They really want that display ad and user tracking service

05 Jan 16:58 | 14

IBM bosses wrongly sacked channel salesman after Tech Data joint venture failed, tribunal rules

TSS UK redundancy selection was 'biased, superficial and wholly inadequate'

05 Jan 11:34 | 34

Bork ends where it began. At McDonald's, home of the finest bork product

Bork bless us, everyone

05 Jan 10:32 | 10

Halo Infinite ups the nostalgia factor for fans of the originals, but it's not without limits

343 Industries brings open world to the long-running military sci-fi epic

05 Jan 09:32 | 9

Did you look up? New Year's Day boom over Pittsburgh was exploding meteor, says NASA

Rock detonated with same force as 30 tons of TNT (or 0.002 Little Boys)

05 Jan 04:20 | 18

You wood not believe what a Japanese logging company and university want to use to build a small satellite

Has the sustainability trend infiltrated the space industry?

04 Jan 19:01 | 93

A moment of tension as the James Webb Space Telescope stretches sunshield on way to L2 destination

Engineers on Earth have five and a half months more of this

04 Jan 16:07 | 72

Theranos CEO Elizabeth Holmes found guilty of fraud: Blood-testing machines were vapourware after all

Fallen Silicon Valley darling defrauded investors, says jury

04 Jan 15:00 | 150

Offering Patreon subs in sterling or euros means you can be sued under GDPR, says Court of Appeal

Even if you've got no other EU legal presence

04 Jan 11:06 | 67

France loves open source so much, even its cinema borks have Linux behind the scenes

The last time Ubuntu went to space ISS astronauts got menaced by CIMON*

04 Jan 10:01 | 37

The year ahead in technology fail: You knew they were bad, now they're going to prove it

Stock up on schadenfreude, it may be 2022's most popular commodity

04 Jan 09:02 | 77

India’s competition regulator launches probes into Apple over App Store fees and access

04 Jan 04:58 | 6

A kitchen splashbork on sale at the Cardiff IKEA

Keeping things consistent in the Pi department

03 Jan 10:02 | 12

The Ghost of Windows Past haunts a street corner in Bermondsey

Woo... woo... don't forget to back up your files... woo...

02 Jan 10:01 | 34

Going round in circles with Windows in Singapore

A mystery error message bedevils Mass Transit Passengers

01 Jan 10:01 | 22

Some errors fill the screen. And some come from the .NET Framework

Go on. Click Continue. We dare you

31 Dec 10:01 | 27

Something for the Weekend, Sir?

Predictive Dirty Dozen: What will and won't happen in 2022 (unless it doesn’t/does)

We confidently predict that the predictions in this article will turn out wrong

31 Dec 09:07 | 211

Too busy feasting on meatballs, Windows struggles to update itself in IKEA

Who is going to install this Daim patch?

30 Dec 09:01 | 30

Yule goat's five-year flame-free streak ends ignominiously

Swedish city refuses to make tradition of setting fire to a tradition a tradition

29 Dec 12:02 | 77

Low on passengers, low on memory: A bad day on the London Underground

Lucky that new Crossrail thing is late – who knows how Windows will cope?

29 Dec 10:01 | 56

Windows takes a breather in London's Spitalfields

No, not that sort of Rust

28 Dec 09:01 | 13

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