BOFH Archive • The Register

BOFH

BOFH: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards... commence

Stacy? Stacy of the industry-wide Crazy Frog ringtone VoIP software update? Good work

10 Sep 11:30 | 68

BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

Anybody in the market for one of him whimpering?

13 Aug 09:32 | 86

BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it

So what you're saying is you updated the new machines from the network – the infected network

30 Jul 08:30 | 114

BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon

I say 'Yes', Boss says 'No'. Boss says 'Stop' … and I say 'Go, go, go!'

23 Jul 10:46 | 82

BOFH: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks?

It is green, and BOFH is not the one. It's only a, er, miner problem …

16 Jul 09:18 | 48

BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light

Where two or more idiots are gathered together, try to reduce the number of idiots

12 Jul 09:15 | 68

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

Yep, read the licence again

09 Jul 08:30 | 87

BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself

Just close your eyes and pretend it’s not there. Before you know it, it’ll be the weekend

25 Jun 09:15 | 63

BOFH: When the Sun rises in the West and sets in the East, only then will the UPS cease to supply uninterrupted voltage

Until that time, if it ain't broke … oh god, someone call the ambulance

18 Jun 09:15 | 95

BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why

Why show them the door when a window will do?

11 Jun 08:30 | 41

BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording

I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'

04 Jun 08:59 | 60

BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages

Or we could just all contract a little amnesia...

28 May 08:30 | 52

BOFH: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service

Back to the office we trudge, dragging our hooked tails behind us

23 Apr 10:01 | 97

BOFH: Bullying? Not on my watch! (It's a Rolex)

Aye, me hearties... it is time to call H-ARRRRRGH

26 Mar 09:30 | 78

BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time

Or 'How PFY and I do Access Control'

26 Feb 10:25 | 88

BOFH: Are you a druid? Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid

Er, I mean, droid. In the far reaches of the world, under a lost and lonely hill, lies the OFFICE OF NEVERMORE

22 Jan 09:30 | 75

BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call

This year, starring an utterly, er, empowering personal presence guru

25 Dec 13:15 | 54

BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss

Never mind what those blinkenlights are doing. Take a deep breath and this will all be fine

11 Dec 09:30 | 105

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!

Oh is that right? The crappy Chromebook is fine now?

13 Nov 09:30 | 113

BOFH: Rome, I have been thy soldier 40 years... give me a staff of honour for mine age

Or, you know, just sign on this dotted line

09 Oct 11:05 | 84

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Text blocks, sealed classes, switch expressions, records, and more

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How a glitch in the Matrix led to apps potentially exposing encrypted chats

Forget Agent Smith, we want to see Neo fighting implementation bugs

Australia gave police power to compel sysadmins into assisting account takeovers – so they plan to use it

Soon, authorities intend to flush out CSAM and the creeps who share it. After that … privacy types are worried

BT hails hollow-core fibre trials as 'critical advancement' for secure communications

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MORE
STORIES

BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?

The case of Simon and the crunchy onion bhajis

03 Apr 10:09 | 117

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

Red pill? Blue pill? Window?

06 Mar 09:06 | 162

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

No, no. There's no such thing as a stupid question

28 Feb 09:15 | 71

BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer

Look to the future, Boss – you know it makes sense

07 Feb 09:14 | 101

BOFH: When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life?

It's survey time in BOFH-land... and the dastardly duo are getting creative

24 Jan 11:12 | 102

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret

A tale of Simon, the PFY and the consultant

10 Jan 11:30 | 112

BOFH: The case of the Boss's hidden USB inkjet printer

A little life support from Simon and the PFY

30 Dec 09:29 | 49

BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck

If you don't cough the money, you're well out of luck

24 Dec 10:00 | 63

BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'

You know what the kids will think is boss? You, tweeting from that window ledge

06 Dec 10:14 | 117

BOFH: Trying to go after IT's budget again?

Ah, Director. Your childish antics warm my heart

22 Nov 12:00 | 64

BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality

In which the PFY and Simon show the Director their vision of the future

25 Oct 09:03 | 70

BOFH: The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however...

Well, it was an angry mob simulation

18 Oct 12:32 | 99

BOFH: We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields

Slow your roll, your typewriters will be here anon

27 Sep 08:50 | 143

BOFH: What's the Gnasher? Why, it's our heavy-duty macerator sewage pump

It's also our nickname for the ISA card guy we have to pay to fix everything

20 Sep 09:20 | 100

BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet

Leads? Detective Bastard Operator From Hell has nothing to Go On

02 Aug 08:02 | 107

BOFH: On a sunny day like this one, the concrete dries so much more quickly

Our hero and the Pimply Faced Youth valiantly bring pub o' clock closer for us all

05 Jul 12:30 | 119

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