BOFH Archive • The Register

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BOFH

BOFH: You can be replaced by a robot or get your carbon footprint below Big Dave's

Episode 14 Decisions, decisions

BOFH21 Jul 2023 | 61

BOFH: Lies, damned lies, and standards

Episode 13 What do you mean you've never heard of the toner-cartridge diet?

BOFH07 Jul 2023 | 45

BOFH: Cough up half a grand and we'll protect you from AI

Episode 12 You get job security, we get lager and deep-fried food

BOFH23 Jun 2023 | 76

BOFH: Good news, everyone – we're in the sausage business

Episode 11 Contracts. Do you read them?

BOFH09 Jun 2023 | 104

BOFH: Get me a new data file or your manager finds out exactly what you think of him

Episode 10 A developer in sales? You poor, poor creature

BOFH26 May 2023 | 123

BOFH: Ah. Company-branded merch. So much better than a bonus

Episode 9 Is your hair on fire or is it just that lovely Spring sunshine?

BOFH12 May 2023 | 173

BOFH takes a visit to retro computing land

Episode 8 You know what never gets old? Taking the Boss for a ride...

BOFH28 Apr 2023 | 139

BOFH: We send a user to visit Kelvin – Keeper of the Batteries

Episode 7 He was charged on the spot

BOFH14 Apr 2023 | 122

BOFH: The Board members are looking very ill these days

Episode 6 Be nice if someone would keep a closer eye on them ...

BOFH24 Mar 2023 | 69

BOFH: I care a lot ... about onion bhajis

Episode 5 Users and colleagues? You couldn't pay me enough

BOFH10 Mar 2023 | 101

BOFH: The PFY has won an award … for outstanding service?

Episode 4 Something's not right here

BOFH24 Feb 2023 | 53

BOFH: Generating a report the Director can show the Board – THIS is what AI was made for

Episode 3 Spelling mistakes? Poor understanding of grammar? Yes, it looks like your work

BOFH10 Feb 2023 | 86

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BOFH: Groundbreaking discovery or patently obvious trolling?

BOFH: Monitor mount moans end in Beancounter beatdown

BOFH: Adventures in overenthusiastic automation

BOFH: We've made a big mesh, Boss. That's what you wanted, right?

BOFH: A security issue, you say? Activate code tangerine

BOFH: What a beautiful tinfoil hat, Boss!

BOFH: Zen and the art of battery replacement

BOFH: WELCOME TO COLOSSAL SERVER ROOM ADVENTURE!!

BOFH: You can be replaced by a robot or get your carbon footprint below Big Dave's

BOFH: Lies, damned lies, and standards

BOFH: Cough up half a grand and we'll protect you from AI

BOFH: Good news, everyone – we're in the sausage business

BOFH: Get me a new data file or your manager finds out exactly what you think of him

BOFH: Ah. Company-branded merch. So much better than a bonus

BOFH takes a visit to retro computing land

BOFH: We send a user to visit Kelvin – Keeper of the Batteries

BOFH: The Board members are looking very ill these days

BOFH: I care a lot ... about onion bhajis

BOFH: The PFY has won an award … for outstanding service?

BOFH: Generating a report the Director can show the Board – THIS is what AI was made for

Google Drive misplaces months' worth of customer files

IT sent the intern to sort out the nasty VP who was too important to bother with backups

Ransomware-hit British Library: Too open for business, or not open enough?

Leader of pro-Russia DDoS crew Killnet 'unmasked' by Russian state media

AWS plays with Fire TV Cube, turns it into a thin client for cloudy desktops

Data-destroying defect found after OpenZFS 2.2.0 release

Videoconferencing fatigue is real, study finds

Datacenter architect creates bonkers designs to illustrate the craft, and quirks, of building bit barns

Crypto crasher Do Kwon's extradition approved, but destination is unclear

Beijing fosters foreign influencers to spread its propaganda

BOFH and the case of the Zoom call that never was

BOFH: It's 4ft tall, heavyset, has optional fax. No they didn't take the toner!

BOFH and the office security access upgrade

BOFH: Come back to the office. Your hotdesk is nice and warm

BOFH: We're an industry leader … in employing idiot managers

BOFH: Don't be nervous, Mr Consultant. Come right this way …

BOFH: I know of a small biz that could deliver nothing for a fraction of the cost

BOFH: The Boss has a new watch – move readiness to DEFCON 2

BOFH: You want presentation layer, but we're physical layer

BOFH: It's Friday, it's time to RTFM

BOFH and the case of the disappearing teaspoons

BOFH: Who us? Sysadmins? Spend time with other departments?

BOFH: Selling the boss on a crypto startup

BOFH: Would I lie to you, Boss?

BOFH: HR's gold mine gambit – they get the gold and we get the shaft

BOFH: Tech helps HR investigate the Boss's devices

BOFH: Where do you think you are going with that toner cartridge?

BOFH: You'll have to really trust me on this team-building exercise

BOFH: Something's consuming 40% of UPS capacity – and it's coming from the beancounters' office

BOFH: The evil guide to upgrading switches

BOFH: Putting the gross in gross insubordination

BOFH: Gaming rig for your home office? Yeah right

BOFH: All hail the job cuts consultant

BOFH: The Geek's Countergambit – outwitted at an electronics store

BOFH: On Wednesdays, we wear gloves

BOFH: What a beautiful classic car. Shame if anything were to happen to it

BOFH: The vengeance bus is coming, and everybody's jumping. An Xmas bonus hits me…

BOFH: Time to put the Pretty Dumb F in PDF reader

BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?

BOFH: You drive me crazy... and I can't help myself

BOFH: So you want to have your computer switched out for something faster? It's time to learn from the master

BOFH: You. Wouldn't. Put. A. Test. Machine. Into. Production. Without. Telling. Us.

BOFH: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine

BOFH: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards … commence

BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it

BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon

BOFH: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks?

BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself

BOFH: When the Sun rises in the West and sets in the East, only then will the UPS cease to supply uninterrupted voltage

BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why

BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording