BOFH Archive • The Register

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BOFH

BOFH: Get me a new data file or your manager finds out exactly what you think of him

Episode 10 A developer in sales? You poor, poor creature

BOFH26 May 2023 | 123

BOFH: Ah. Company-branded merch. So much better than a bonus

Episode 9 Is your hair on fire or is it just that lovely Spring sunshine?

BOFH12 May 2023 | 173

BOFH takes a visit to retro computing land

Episode 8 You know what never gets old? Taking the Boss for a ride...

BOFH28 Apr 2023 | 137

BOFH: We send a user to visit Kelvin – Keeper of the Batteries

Episode 7 He was charged on the spot

BOFH14 Apr 2023 | 119

BOFH: The Board members are looking very ill these days

Episode 6 Be nice if someone would keep a closer eye on them ...

BOFH24 Mar 2023 | 69

BOFH: I care a lot ... about onion bhajis

Episode 5 Users and colleagues? You couldn't pay me enough

BOFH10 Mar 2023 | 100

BOFH: The PFY has won an award … for outstanding service?

Episode 4 Something's not right here

BOFH24 Feb 2023 | 53

BOFH: Generating a report the Director can show the Board – THIS is what AI was made for

Episode 3 Spelling mistakes? Poor understanding of grammar? Yes, it looks like your work

BOFH10 Feb 2023 | 86

BOFH and the case of the Zoom call that never was

Episode 2 No boss, your monitor is not a computer

BOFH27 Jan 2023 | 82

BOFH: It's 4ft tall, heavyset, has optional fax. No they didn't take the toner!

Episode 1 PFY and Simon do some of their best work: outsmarting thieves, drinking beer and reading the fine print

BOFH13 Jan 2023 | 44

BOFH and the office security access upgrade

Episode 24 I don't care what the app says, I'm not dead!

BOFH23 Dec 2022 | 88

BOFH: Come back to the office. Your hotdesk is nice and warm

Episode 23 When your Christmas bonus is a gaming chair you found in the street

BOFH09 Dec 2022 | 60

BOFH: We're an industry leader … in employing idiot managers

Episode 22 Actually, strike the second part …

BOFH18 Nov 2022 | 61

BOFH: Don't be nervous, Mr Consultant. Come right this way …

Episode 21 Simon and the PFY take a closer look at a 'routine' data translation costs bill

BOFH11 Nov 2022 | 60

BOFH: I know of a small biz that could deliver nothing for a fraction of the cost

Episode 20 Say! They're right here in the room! Fancy that!

BOFH28 Oct 2022 | 44

BOFH: The Boss has a new watch – move readiness to DEFCON 2

Episode 19 Let us show you some pointless technology of our own

BOFH14 Oct 2022 | 67

BOFH: You want presentation layer, but we're physical layer

Episode 18 Or How to Philosophize with a Hammer

BOFH23 Sep 2022 | 47

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BOFH: Lies, damned lies, and standards

BOFH: Cough up half a grand and we'll protect you from AI

BOFH: Good news, everyone – we're in the sausage business

BOFH: Get me a new data file or your manager finds out exactly what you think of him

BOFH: Ah. Company-branded merch. So much better than a bonus

BOFH takes a visit to retro computing land

BOFH: We send a user to visit Kelvin – Keeper of the Batteries

BOFH: The Board members are looking very ill these days

BOFH: I care a lot ... about onion bhajis

BOFH: The PFY has won an award … for outstanding service?

BOFH: Generating a report the Director can show the Board – THIS is what AI was made for

BOFH and the case of the Zoom call that never was

BOFH: It's 4ft tall, heavyset, has optional fax. No they didn't take the toner!

BOFH and the office security access upgrade

BOFH: Come back to the office. Your hotdesk is nice and warm

BOFH: We're an industry leader … in employing idiot managers

BOFH: Don't be nervous, Mr Consultant. Come right this way …

BOFH: I know of a small biz that could deliver nothing for a fraction of the cost

BOFH: The Boss has a new watch – move readiness to DEFCON 2

BOFH: You want presentation layer, but we're physical layer

Red Hat's open source rot took root when IBM walked in

Microsoft puts out Outlook fire, says everything's fine with Teams malware flaw

SpaceX says, sure, Starship blew up but you can forget about the rest of that lawsuit

Nickelodeon probes claims of massive data leak as SpongeBob fans rejoice

Nobody does DR tests to survive lightning striking twice

Australia's 'great example of government using technology' found to be 'crude and cruel'. And literally lethal to citizens

Threads versus Twitter: Shouldn't we be happy the wheels are falling off antisocial social media?

NASA 'quiet' supersonic jet is nearly ready for flight

Now that you've all tried it ... ChatGPT web traffic falls 10%

From cage fight to page fight: Twitter threatens to sue Meta after Threads app launch

BOFH: It's Friday, it's time to RTFM

BOFH and the case of the disappearing teaspoons

BOFH: Who us? Sysadmins? Spend time with other departments?

BOFH: Selling the boss on a crypto startup

BOFH: Would I lie to you, Boss?

BOFH: HR's gold mine gambit – they get the gold and we get the shaft

BOFH: Tech helps HR investigate the Boss's devices

BOFH: Where do you think you are going with that toner cartridge?

BOFH: You'll have to really trust me on this team-building exercise

BOFH: Something's consuming 40% of UPS capacity – and it's coming from the beancounters' office

BOFH: The evil guide to upgrading switches

BOFH: Putting the gross in gross insubordination

BOFH: Gaming rig for your home office? Yeah right

BOFH: All hail the job cuts consultant

BOFH: The Geek's Countergambit – outwitted at an electronics store

BOFH: On Wednesdays, we wear gloves

BOFH: What a beautiful classic car. Shame if anything were to happen to it

BOFH: The vengeance bus is coming, and everybody's jumping. An Xmas bonus hits me…

BOFH: Time to put the Pretty Dumb F in PDF reader

BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?

BOFH: You drive me crazy... and I can't help myself

BOFH: So you want to have your computer switched out for something faster? It's time to learn from the master

BOFH: You. Wouldn't. Put. A. Test. Machine. Into. Production. Without. Telling. Us.

BOFH: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine

BOFH: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards … commence

BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it

BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon

BOFH: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks?

BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself

BOFH: When the Sun rises in the West and sets in the East, only then will the UPS cease to supply uninterrupted voltage

BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why

BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording

BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages

BOFH: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service

BOFH: Bullying? Not on my watch! (It's a Rolex)

BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time

BOFH: Are you a druid? Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid

BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call

BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!

BOFH: Rome, I have been thy soldier 40 years... give me a staff of honour for mine age