BOFH Archive • The Register

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BOFH

BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?

BOFH: You drive me crazy... and I can't help myself

BOFH: So you want to have your computer switched out for something faster? It's time to learn from the master

BOFH: You. Wouldn't. Put. A. Test. Machine. Into. Production. Without. Telling. Us.

BOFH: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine

BOFH: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards … commence

BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it

BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon

BOFH: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks?

BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself

BOFH: When the Sun rises in the West and sets in the East, only then will the UPS cease to supply uninterrupted voltage

BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why

BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording

BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages

BOFH: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service

BOFH: Bullying? Not on my watch! (It's a Rolex)

BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time

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BOFH: Are you a druid? Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid

BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call

BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!

BOFH: Rome, I have been thy soldier 40 years... give me a staff of honour for mine age

BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer

BOFH: When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life?

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret

BOFH: The case of the Boss's hidden USB inkjet printer

BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck

BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'

BOFH: Trying to go after IT's budget again?

BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality

BOFH: The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however...

BOFH: We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields

BOFH: What's the Gnasher? Why, it's our heavy-duty macerator sewage pump

BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet

BOFH: On a sunny day like this one, the concrete dries so much more quickly

BOFH: What's Near Field Implementation? Oh, you'll see. Turn left here

BOFH: It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH

BOFH: Tick tick BOOM. It's B-day! No we're not eating Brussels flouts...

BOFH: Bye desktop, bye desk. Hello 'slab and a beanbag on the floor

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried

BOFH: Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and ....

BOFH: Honourable misconduct

BOFH: Turn your server rack hotspot to a server rack notspot

BOFH: We want you to know you have our full support

BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

BOFH: Do I smell burning toes, I mean burning toast?

BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?

BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss