BOFH Archive • The Register

BOFH: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine

Episode 17 Flame purifies all

BOFH24 Sep 2021 | 178

BOFH: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards … commence

Episode 16 Stacy? Stacy of the industry-wide Crazy Frog ringtone VoIP software update? Good work

BOFH10 Sep 2021 | 70

BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

Episode 15 Anybody in the market for one of him whimpering?

BOFH13 Aug 2021 | 87

BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it

Episode 14 So what you're saying is you updated the new machines from the network – the infected network

BOFH30 Jul 2021 | 116

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

Episode 10 Yep, read the licence again

BOFH09 Jul 2021 | 88

BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself

Episode 9 Just close your eyes and pretend it’s not there. Before you know it, it’ll be the weekend

BOFH25 Jun 2021 | 63

BOFH: When the Sun rises in the West and sets in the East, only then will the UPS cease to supply uninterrupted voltage

Episode 8 Until that time, if it ain't broke … oh god, someone call the ambulance

BOFH18 Jun 2021 | 98

BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why

Episode 7 Why show them the door when a window will do?

BOFH11 Jun 2021 | 42

BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording

Episode 6 I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'

BOFH04 Jun 2021 | 61

BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages

Episode 5 Or we could just all contract a little amnesia...

BOFH28 May 2021 | 52

BOFH: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service

Episode 4 Back to the office we trudge, dragging our hooked tails behind us

BOFH23 Apr 2021 | 98

BOFH: Bullying? Not on my watch! (It's a Rolex)

Episode 3 Aye, me hearties... it is time to call H-ARRRRRGH

BOFH26 Mar 2021 | 78

BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time

Episode 2 Or 'How PFY and I do Access Control'

BOFH26 Feb 2021 | 88

BOFH: Are you a druid? Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid

Episode 1 Er, I mean, droid. In the far reaches of the world, under a lost and lonely hill, lies the OFFICE OF NEVERMORE

BOFH22 Jan 2021 | 75

BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call

Episode 10 This year, starring an utterly, er, empowering personal presence guru

BOFH25 Dec 2020 | 54

BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss

Episode 9 Never mind what those blinkenlights are doing. Take a deep breath and this will all be fine

BOFH11 Dec 2020 | 106

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!

Episode 8 Oh is that right? The crappy Chromebook is fine now?

BOFH13 Nov 2020 | 109

BOFH: Rome, I have been thy soldier 40 years... give me a staff of honour for mine age

Episode 7 Or, you know, just sign on this dotted line

BOFH09 Oct 2020 | 84

BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?

Episode 6 The case of Simon and the crunchy onion bhajis

BOFH03 Apr 2020 | 117

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

Episode 5 Red pill? Blue pill? Window?

BOFH06 Mar 2020 | 162

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

Episode 4 No, no. There's no such thing as a stupid question

BOFH28 Feb 2020 | 72

BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer

Episode 3 Look to the future, Boss – you know it makes sense

BOFH07 Feb 2020 | 101

BOFH: When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life?

Episode 2 It's survey time in BOFH-land... and the dastardly duo are getting creative

BOFH24 Jan 2020 | 103

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret

Episode 1 A tale of Simon, the PFY and the consultant

BOFH10 Jan 2020 | 112

BOFH: The case of the Boss's hidden USB inkjet printer

Episode 14 A little life support from Simon and the PFY

BOFH30 Dec 2019 | 49

BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck

Episode 13 If you don't cough the money, you're well out of luck

BOFH24 Dec 2019 | 63

BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'

Episode 12 You know what the kids will think is boss? You, tweeting from that window ledge

BOFH06 Dec 2019 | 117

BOFH: Trying to go after IT's budget again?

Episode 11 Ah, Director. Your childish antics warm my heart

BOFH22 Nov 2019 | 64

BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality

Episode 10 In which the PFY and Simon show the Director their vision of the future

BOFH25 Oct 2019 | 70

BOFH: The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however...

Episode 9 Well, it was an angry mob simulation

BOFH18 Oct 2019 | 99

BOFH: We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields

Episode 8 Slow your roll, your typewriters will be here anon

BOFH27 Sep 2019 | 147

BOFH: What's the Gnasher? Why, it's our heavy-duty macerator sewage pump

Episode 7 It's also our nickname for the ISA card guy we have to pay to fix everything

BOFH20 Sep 2019 | 100

BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet

Episode 6 Leads? Detective Bastard Operator From Hell has nothing to Go On

BOFH02 Aug 2019 | 107

BOFH: On a sunny day like this one, the concrete dries so much more quickly

Episode 5 Our hero and the Pimply Faced Youth valiantly bring pub o' clock closer for us all

BOFH05 Jul 2019 | 119

BOFH: What's Near Field Implementation? Oh, you'll see. Turn left here

Episode 4 The Bastard Operator From Hell continues to meet targets on his roadmap in the latest instalment

BOFH28 Jun 2019 | 79

BOFH: It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH

Episode 3 Time to take a custard pie, er, interface...

BOFH26 Apr 2019 | 107

BOFH: Tick tick BOOM. It's B-day! No we're not eating Brussels flouts...

Episode 2 The B stands for BOFH

BOFH29 Mar 2019 | 136

BOFH: Bye desktop, bye desk. Hello tablet and a beanbag on the floor

Episode 1 On our hero sysadmin's watch? Not likely...

BOFH22 Feb 2019 | 56

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

Episode 12 And let's see how long he takes to crack

BOFH07 Dec 2018 | 88

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

Episode 11 Mindfulness worksheets? Lattes? We're all set

BOFH22 Jun 2018 | 111

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

Episode 10 Oh, and sorry about your phone

BOFH15 Jun 2018 | 88

BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

Episode 9 It's for your own Health and Safety

BOFH25 May 2018 | 154

BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

Episode 8 I know where your supervisor is Dave

BOFH04 May 2018 | 133

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

Episode 7 It's the technology of the future-ture-ture

BOFH27 Apr 2018 | 107

BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried

Episode 6 You're here to audit us? Hi! Fancy a coffee?

BOFH20 Apr 2018 | 72

BOFH: Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and ....

Episode 5 Simon and PFY gamify the interface

BOFH23 Mar 2018 | 137

BOFH: Honourable misconduct

Episode 4 Yurrrr. Yuurrrrg. Hnng. Vomit? No, I'm fi... yuuurrg. Yunnk. Unk. Gulp. HUALLLARRGHHHAAHH!*

BOFH02 Mar 2018 | 81

BOFH: Turn your server rack hotspot to a server rack notspot

Episode 3 Oh, Sales Guy! You're a riot

BOFH16 Feb 2018 | 82

BOFH: We want you to know you have our full support

Episode 2 What's that buzzing sound... Boss? Boss?

BOFH09 Feb 2018 | 89

BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

Episode 1 Say it with us: BADD-AAS

BOFH12 Jan 2018 | 74

BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

Episode 16 The numbers don't lie...

OSes24 Nov 2017 | 55

BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

Episode 15 It is the eeeeeeeeeeee-ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH

BOFH10 Nov 2017 | 55

BOFH: Do I smell burning toes, I mean burning toast?

Episode 14 This is not a drill

BOFH27 Oct 2017 | 89

BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?

Episode 13 Our expenses? Same thing we've filed every year...

BOFH13 Oct 2017 | 63

BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss

Episode 12 Robot intelligence not there yet... but neither is Boss intelligence

BOFH29 Sep 2017 | 35

BOFH: We're only here because they said there would be biscuits

Episode 11 BOFH helps promote his company's 'Story' (if promote = bag of quicklime)

BOFH15 Sep 2017 | 58

BOFH: Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY

Episode 10 Special tables with special chairs for special people

BOFH28 Jul 2017 | 77

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BOFH: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine

BOFH: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards … commence

BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it

BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon

BOFH: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks?

BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself

BOFH: When the Sun rises in the West and sets in the East, only then will the UPS cease to supply uninterrupted voltage

BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why

BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording

BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages

BOFH: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service

BOFH: Bullying? Not on my watch! (It's a Rolex)

BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time

BOFH: Are you a druid? Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid

BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call

BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!

BOFH: Rome, I have been thy soldier 40 years... give me a staff of honour for mine age

BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer

BOFH: When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life?

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret

BOFH: The case of the Boss's hidden USB inkjet printer

BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck

BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'

BOFH: Trying to go after IT's budget again?

BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality

BOFH: The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however...

BOFH: We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields

BOFH: What's the Gnasher? Why, it's our heavy-duty macerator sewage pump

BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet

BOFH: On a sunny day like this one, the concrete dries so much more quickly

BOFH: What's Near Field Implementation? Oh, you'll see. Turn left here

BOFH: It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH

BOFH: Tick tick BOOM. It's B-day! No we're not eating Brussels flouts...

BOFH: Bye desktop, bye desk. Hello tablet and a beanbag on the floor

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried

BOFH: Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and ....

BOFH: Honourable misconduct

BOFH: Turn your server rack hotspot to a server rack notspot

BOFH: We want you to know you have our full support

BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

BOFH: Do I smell burning toes, I mean burning toast?

BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?

BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss

BOFH: We're only here because they said there would be biscuits

BOFH: Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY

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