Failed gambler? How about an algorithm that predicts the future
Something for the Weekend Hopefully an end to '... and you'll never guess what happened next!'
Bootnotes20 May 2022 | 66
Bootnotes
Pentagon opens up about its database of 400 smudges that may or may not be UFOs
'We're open to all hypotheses, we're open to any conclusions' says official
Bootnotes17 May 2022 | 28
Switch off the mic if it makes you feel better – it'll make no difference
Something for the Weekend Treat all those micro-phonies like so many spies in the wire
Bootnotes06 May 2022 | 81
Meetings in the metaverse: Are your Mikes on?
Something for the Weekend You thought Zoom was bad? Welcome to the Thunderdome
Bootnotes29 Apr 2022 | 58
US Army may be about to 'waste' up to $22b on Microsoft HoloLens
Updated Will soldiers actually use these goggles? Asking for a watchdog
Bootnotes26 Apr 2022 | 81
Putin reaches for nuclear option: Zuckerberg banned
In Soviet Russia, bear pokes you
Bootnotes22 Apr 2022 | 61
When the expert speaker at an NFT tech panel goes rogue
Something for the Weekend Stick to the script, man! It’s confusing enough already
Bootnotes16 Apr 2022 | 117
US Army to build largest 3D-printed structures in the Americas
Do we have enough toner for barracks in Fort Bliss base in Texas?
Bootnotes09 Apr 2022 | 66
Fish mentality: If The Rock told you to eat flies, would you buy my NFT?
Something for the Weekend This week's column coming to you via hologram. Or a spaceship
Bootnotes08 Apr 2022 | 61
Japanese startup makes baby carrier-style sling for 'Love Robots'
Fittings open on Saturday, to make it easier to take motorized pals with you wherever you go
Bootnotes01 Apr 2022 | 33
In the graveyard of good ideas, how does yours measure up to these?
Something for the Weekend? You can now read your comics in the metaverse
Bootnotes25 Mar 2022 | 142
The Human Genome Project will tell us who to support at Eurovision
Something for the Weekend? My parents were not lying to me but… who's the Finn?
Bootnotes11 Mar 2022 | 78
Proprietary neural tech you had surgically implanted? Parts shortage
Something for the Weekend? Sorry about it. You know how it is with supply chains. Aroogah, arooogah....
Bootnotes04 Mar 2022 | 131
A tale of two dishwashers: Buy one, buy it again, and again
Something for the Weekend? It's all the data's fault, of course… and it's my data so that means it's my fault
Bootnotes25 Feb 2022 | 191
Insurance claims up 31% thanks to the metaverse
I'm gaming like a wrecking ball
Bootnotes14 Feb 2022 | 20
Russian 'Minecraft bomb plot' teen jailed for five years
Military court sends 16-year-old and his pals down for homemade terror training
Bootnotes14 Feb 2022 | 37
'Boombox' function sparks Tesla recall
Pedestrian warning systems in 578,607 cars affected, including model S, X and Y
Bootnotes11 Feb 2022 | 82
Polly wants a snapper? Parrot swipes GoPro for sweet views of New Zealand's Fiordland
Video Oi, kea!
Bootnotes04 Feb 2022 | 19
Jeff Bezos adds some more overheads to his $485m yacht by taking down historic bridge
Rotterdam can't get over it
Bootnotes03 Feb 2022 | 141
Prince of Packaging HP Inc snaps up zero-plastic bottle maker
Patented plastic-free tech from Choose Packaging
Bootnotes02 Feb 2022 | 16
Popular
US fears China may have ten exascale systems by 2025
China refuses to share benchmarks, US sharpens focus on developing optimized software
Export bans prompt Russia to use Chinese x86 CPU replacement
With few options, Russia will look to half-fast chips from Chinese maker
Seriously, you do not want to make that cable your earth
On Call Network? What's that when it's at home?
Intel plans immersion lab to chill its power-hungry chips
AI chips are sucking down 600W+ and the solution could be to drown them.
Microsoft patches the patch that broke Windows authentication
May 10 update addressed serious vulns but also had problems of its own
US won’t prosecute ‘good faith’ security researchers under CFAA
Well, that clears things up? Maybe not.
Lenovo halves its ThinkPad workstation range
Two becomes one as ThinkPad P16 stands alone and HX replaces mobile Xeon
FreeBSD 13.1 is out for everything from PowerPC to x86-64
The granddaddy of FOSS UNIX just keeps on trucking – and is a lot easier to install this time round
Microsoft Bing censors politically sensitive Chinese terms
Updated Research claims it fails to autofill certain names in Han characters, Microsoft says it's technical error
China’s GitHub clone making all repos private pending mysterious ‘review’
Gitee apologises but won't explain why this is happening
STORIES
He ain't heavy, he's my brother: Bloke gives away SpaceX ticket because he was over weight limit
You must be this small to ride
Bootnotes01 Feb 2022 | 85
God of War: How do you improve on perfection? You port it to PC, obviously
The RPG The migration of PlayStation exclusives continues to be a great idea
Bootnotes29 Jan 2022 | 39
US Navy in mad dash to salvage F-35C that fell off a carrier into South China Sea
Where Britain leads, America follows
Bootnotes28 Jan 2022 | 105
Crack team of boffins hash out how e-scooters should sound – but they need your help*
Poll *They're probably fine
Bootnotes28 Jan 2022 | 203
Carked it, Diem? Zuckerberg's grand cryptocurrency thing may sell off assets for $200m
Facebook-born blockchain payment system's day well and truly seized
Bootnotes27 Jan 2022 | 21
How to polish the bottom line? Microsoft makes it really hard to claim expenses, say staffers
If even Captain PowerShell can't automate this, what hope is there for the rest of us?
Bootnotes26 Jan 2022 | 66
Behold! The first line of defence for 25% of the US nuclear stockpile: Dolphins
Erm... should we be concerned?
Bootnotes25 Jan 2022 | 52
Robot vacuum cleaner employed by Brit budget hotel chain Travelodge flees
Unit dragged back to work after being found under hedge a day later
Bootnotes24 Jan 2022 | 59
Elvis may have left the building, but Windows remains very much on show
Bork!Bork!Bork! Just like the '68 Comeback Special, Bork has returned
Bootnotes24 Jan 2022 | 13
Dog forgets all about risk of drowning in a marsh as soon as drone dangles a sausage
It's not the wurst idea in the world
Bootnotes21 Jan 2022 | 35
'Can you identify your assailants?' Yes, they were pixelated! I'd know them anywhere!
Something for the Weekend, Sir? 'Inside' knowledge on the image database conundrum – at 25 frames per second
Bootnotes21 Jan 2022 | 41
If you want less CGI and more real effects in movies, you may get your wish: Inflatable film studio to orbit Earth
What a retirement for the ISS: Gaining a totally feasible 'state-of-the-art media production capability'
Bootnotes21 Jan 2022 | 39
Microsoft sends HoloLens 2 into a care home... Nope, not a headline gag about retiring the tech. They actually did this
Hands-free kit a 'game changer' for doctors assessing residents during pandemic
Bootnotes19 Jan 2022 | 4
Big shock: Guy who fled political violence and became rich in tech now struggles to care about political violence
'I recognize that I come across as lacking empathy,' billionaire VC admits
Bootnotes18 Jan 2022 | 50
Epoch-alypse now: BBC iPlayer flaunts 2038 cutoff date, gives infrastructure game away
Nobody expects the Linux malposition, do they, Michael Palin?
Bootnotes17 Jan 2022 | 105
Weed dispensary software company's ambitions pruned after Spotify trademark clash
Because they tried to call it Potify
Bootnotes13 Jan 2022 | 52
Canon: Chip supplies are so bad that our ink cartridges will look as though they're fakes
Updated The solution? Click the annoying error messages away and keep printing
Bootnotes10 Jan 2022 | 122
Not looking forward to a greyscale 2022? Then look back to the past in 64 colours
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Any colour you like as long as it's black. Or white
Bootnotes07 Jan 2022 | 142
Ceefax replica goes TITSUP* as folk pine for simpler times
But creator runs server from home – we can forgive him
Bootnotes06 Jan 2022 | 98
Fugitive mafioso evaded cops for two decades until he was spotted on Google Street View
Wanted killer cuffed after maps snaps led to Facebook sighting
Bootnotes06 Jan 2022 | 41
Heart attack victim 'saved' by defibrillator delivery drone*
* And a passerby who happened to be a doctor
Bootnotes06 Jan 2022 | 64
Bork ends where it began. At McDonald's, home of the finest bork product
12BoC Bork bless us, everyone
Bootnotes05 Jan 2022 | 10
France loves open source so much, even its cinema borks have Linux behind the scenes
12BoC The last time Ubuntu went to space ISS astronauts got menaced by CIMON*
Bootnotes04 Jan 2022 | 37
A kitchen splashbork on sale at the Cardiff IKEA
12BoC Keeping things consistent in the Pi department
Bootnotes03 Jan 2022 | 12
The Ghost of Windows Past haunts a street corner in Bermondsey
12BoC Woo... woo... don't forget to back up your files... woo...
Bootnotes02 Jan 2022 | 34
Going round in circles with Windows in Singapore
12BoC A mystery error message bedevils Mass Transit Passengers
Bootnotes01 Jan 2022 | 22
Some errors fill the screen. And some come from the .NET Framework
12BoC Go on. Click Continue. We dare you
Bootnotes31 Dec 2021 | 27
Too busy feasting on meatballs, Windows struggles to update itself in IKEA
12BoC Who is going to install this Daim patch?
Bootnotes30 Dec 2021 | 30
Yule goat's five-year flame-free streak ends ignominiously
Swedish city refuses to make tradition of setting fire to a tradition a tradition
Bootnotes29 Dec 2021 | 77
Low on passengers, low on memory: A bad day on the London Underground
12BoC Lucky that new Crossrail thing is late – who knows how Windows will cope?
Bootnotes29 Dec 2021 | 56
Windows takes a breather in London's Spitalfields
12BoC No, not that sort of Rust
Bootnotes28 Dec 2021 | 13
Please pay for parking – CMOS batteries don't buy themselves
12BoC Tesco parking screen reminds customers of the glory days of 2012
Bootnotes27 Dec 2021 | 69
A proposal to beat below-the-belt selfies: Crowdsourced machine learning using victims' image stashes
Column Empty your inboxes, people, we can duck this problem together
Bootnotes22 Dec 2021 | 77
Thank you, FAQ chatbot, but if I want your help I'll ask for it
Something for the Weekend, Sir? It’s FAQing annoying to tell the truth
Bootnotes17 Dec 2021 | 166
Playing jigsaw on my roof: They can ID you from your hygiene habits
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Pat McGovern knew his way around a trash can
Bootnotes10 Dec 2021 | 74
OK, boomer? Gen-X-ers, elder millennials most likely to name their cars, says DVLA
Most bizarre names chosen by UK drivers included ZZ Top and The Beast
Bootnotes09 Dec 2021 | 94
Fail: Exam paper marked by Elon Musk up for auction
Sweary test on sale as Tesla CEO forgets where he parked his car
Bootnotes06 Dec 2021 | 12
Battlefield 2042: Please don't be the death knell of the franchise, please don't be the death knell of the franchise
The RPG Another terrible launch, but DICE is already working on improvements
Bootnotes04 Dec 2021 | 31
One white cat and a volcano short of a Bond villain: Rocket Lab's Peter Beck shows off the 'Hungry Hippo'
Neutron updated, but the Spectre of SpaceX looms
Bootnotes03 Dec 2021 | 26
When you think of a unit of length, do you think of Antony Gormley's rusty anatomy?
Angel of the North asteroid story upsets us mightily
Bootnotes03 Dec 2021 | 50
What a bunch of bricks: Crooks knock hole in toyshop wall, flee with €35k Lego haul
Police still trying to piece everything together
Bootnotes02 Dec 2021 | 106
You forced me to use this fancypants app and now you're asking for a printout?
Something for the Weekend, Sir? 'Just take the meds, Mr Sloper, and enjoy your holiday'
Bootnotes26 Nov 2021 | 121
Desktop bust and custom iPhone 13 Pro made from melted-down Tesla car for the Elon Musk dork in your life
Just $8,300!
Bootnotes25 Nov 2021 | 60
Joint venture: Uber Eats to offer weed orders in Ontario
O Cannabis! Meanwhile, ride biz back to court in the UK over driver contracts
Bootnotes23 Nov 2021 | 17
From the studio that brought you 'Mortal Wombat' comes 'Pernicious Possum'
Woman tells New Zealand police she was held hostage by small marsupial
Bootnotes16 Nov 2021 | 30
Cruel and unusual IT fail upstages Megan Fox. Transformers: Windows in disguise
Bork!Bork!Bork! Check your outputs, kids
Bootnotes15 Nov 2021 | 21
Still reeling from the Great Facebook Blackout of 2021? Turns out Zuck is not the worst offender
Uswitch's survey may surprise you – or not. Depends how much you like Reddit
Bootnotes11 Nov 2021 | 4
Ofcom announces plan to protect endangered species – the Great British phone box
BT is getting axe-happy but regulator's scheme could save 5,000 kiosks
Bootnotes10 Nov 2021 | 32
One click, one goal, one mission: To get a one-touch flush solution
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Gimme gimme gimme fried chicken
Bootnotes05 Nov 2021 | 76
Samsung releases pair of jeans that can't do anything except cover your legs and hold a Galaxy Z Flip 3
Who needs big pockets, right? Other than, you know, literally everyone
Bootnotes03 Nov 2021 | 72
Remember the 'guy in a jetpack' seen flying close to passenger jets? Probably just balloons, says FBI
Video Ah well, back to panicking over imaginary drones, then
Bootnotes03 Nov 2021 | 23
What a clock up: Brit TV-broadband giant Sky fails to pick up weekend's timezone change, fix due by Friday
We say GMT, you say BST, let's call the whole thing off
Bootnotes02 Nov 2021 | 107
Remember when you thought fax machines were dead-matter teleporters? Ah, just me, then
Something for the Weekend, Sir? No, things were NOT better in the past, so leave them there
Bootnotes29 Oct 2021 | 132
Florida man accused of breaking Mastodon's open-source license with botched social network launch
Updated Golf enthusiast given 30 days to cough up code
Bootnotes23 Oct 2021 | 56
'Windows 11 has been successfully downloaded,' says update for Xbox version of Microsoft Flight Simulator
What? No. Noooooooooooooooooo
Bootnotes21 Oct 2021 | 16
Facebook posts job ad for 10,000 'high-skilled' roles to 'build the metaverse' – and they'll all be based in the EU
Announcement uses the phrase 'world-leading' without referring to UK once
Bootnotes18 Oct 2021 | 47
Heart FM's borkfast show – a fine way to start your day
Jamie and Amanda have a new co-presenter to contend with
Bootnotes18 Oct 2021 | 25
Missouri governor demands prosecution of reporter for 'decoding HTML source code' and reporting a data breach
Salus populi suprema lex esto ... or perhaps not
Bootnotes15 Oct 2021 | 105
Windows terminates here. Please remember to finish setting it up on arrival
Bork!Bork!Bork! Washington Metro admin has taken an early lunch
Bootnotes15 Oct 2021 | 25
All I want for Christmas is a delivery address that a delivery courier can find
Something for the Weekend, Sir? Send me an SMS and I’ll tell you everything
Bootnotes15 Oct 2021 | 157
Mind your Ps and queues: Bork makes a visit to the A&E
Bork!Bork!Bork! Thanks Windows! Now this is the kind of hospital data-sharing we like to see...
Bootnotes14 Oct 2021 | 19
Macintosh Classic II and triceratops skull on auction: One's a dinosaur, the other has three horns on its face
Christie's 'Science and Natural History' collection isn't joking when it says it's 'a journey in time'
Bootnotes13 Oct 2021 | 19
Twitch increases bug bounty payouts after source code leak by... wait, is that it?
Reg reader sighs at 'Orwellian gig economy' sums
Bootnotes12 Oct 2021 | 33
Instagram is testing feature that tells panicking users the service is broken again
Have you tried reading books?
Bootnotes12 Oct 2021 | 46
Meatballs, Abba, and bork: 3 things Sweden is famous for
Bork!Bork!Bork! It's what The Chef would want
Bootnotes12 Oct 2021 | 16
US nuclear submarine bumps into unidentified underwater object in South China Sea
Definitely not another sub, oh no sir
Bootnotes08 Oct 2021 | 101
Confusion at Gare de Rennes as Windows shuffles off for a Gauloise
Bork!Bork!Bork! Je suis un bork star
Bootnotes04 Oct 2021 | 20
Maker of ATM bombing tutorials blew himself up – Euro cops
Vid filming ended in deadly disaster
Bootnotes02 Oct 2021 | 155
Danish artist pockets museum's cash and calls it art... and other stories
Roundup Another convocation of confusion from around the world that you may have missed
Bootnotes01 Oct 2021 | 16
Cheeky chappy rides horse around London filling station, singing: 'I don't need petrol 'cos he runs on carrots'
Yes, it's UK's turn for a fuel shortage
Bootnotes01 Oct 2021 | 192
US school districts blame Amazon for nationwide bus driver shortage
PA, MA bring in National Guard to plug gaps, while Boston teacher tells of stripper bus hired for school trip
Bootnotes29 Sep 2021 | 91
Years of development, millions of lines of code, and Android can't even run a toilet
Bork!Bork!Bork! I'll show you 'highly targeted'
Bootnotes29 Sep 2021 | 70
'Extraordinary' pigs step in to protect Schiphol airport from marauding geese
Plane-wrecking idiot fowl sent packing by heroic porcine defenders of commercial aviation
Bootnotes28 Sep 2021 | 74
A crypto-trading hamster is outperforming the S&P 500, Nasdaq, Bitcoin
As much as I wanted to be Gordon Gekko, I'll always be Mr Goxx
Bootnotes28 Sep 2021 | 20
Chocgate: The fallout. Partially taxpayer-funded £6k+ staff luxury treats land ICO in lukewarm water
But it's OK. What's it gonna do – fine itself?
Bootnotes28 Sep 2021 | 25
Take a look, and you'll see... Windows XP? Bit of Dairy Milk, Fruit and Bork at Cadbury World
Bork!Bork!Bork! It's quite the show at the OTHER chocolate factory
Bootnotes28 Sep 2021 | 18
Want to feel old? Aussie cyclist draws Nirvana baby in Strava on streets of Adelaide because Nevermind is 30
Meanwhile, Nirvana baby unchuffed about being Nirvana baby
Bootnotes27 Sep 2021 | 38
Parking is expensive. It can cost an arm, a leg, and a Windows licence
Bork!Bork!Bork! Activate Windows and put up a parking lot
Bootnotes24 Sep 2021 | 11
Nothing works any more. Who decided that redundant systems should become redundant?
Something for the Weekend, Sir? It'll all come out in the wash
Bootnotes24 Sep 2021 | 115
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nah, it's just Windows suffering from a bit of vertigo
Bork!Bork!Bork! Up above the streets and houses, XP's flying high
Bootnotes23 Sep 2021 | 11
