Bootnotes
Fail: Exam paper marked by Elon Musk up for auction
Sweary test on sale as Tesla CEO forgets where he parked his car
06 Dec 19:03 | 11
Bootnotes
The RPG
Battlefield 2042: Please don't be the death knell of the franchise, please don't be the death knell of the franchise
Another terrible launch, but DICE is already working on improvements
04 Dec 09:00 | 31
Bootnotes
One white cat and a volcano short of a Bond villain: Rocket Lab's Peter Beck shows off the 'Hungry Hippo'
Neutron updated, but the Spectre of SpaceX looms
03 Dec 14:44 | 26
Bootnotes
When you think of a unit of length, do you think of Antony Gormley's rusty anatomy?
Angel of the North asteroid story upsets us mightily
03 Dec 09:30 | 49
Bootnotes
What a bunch of bricks: Crooks knock hole in toyshop wall, flee with €35k Lego haul
Police still trying to piece everything together
02 Dec 13:00 | 105
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
You forced me to use this fancypants app and now you're asking for a printout?
'Just take the meds, Mr Sloper, and enjoy your holiday'
26 Nov 10:25 | 121
Bootnotes
Desktop bust and custom iPhone 13 Pro made from melted-down Tesla car for the Elon Musk dork in your life
Just $8,300!
25 Nov 14:34 | 60
Bootnotes
Joint venture: Uber Eats to offer weed orders in Ontario
O Cannabis! Meanwhile, ride biz back to court in the UK over driver contracts
23 Nov 12:37 | 17
Bootnotes
From the studio that brought you 'Mortal Wombat' comes 'Pernicious Possum'
Woman tells New Zealand police she was held hostage by small marsupial
16 Nov 13:15 | 29
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Cruel and unusual IT fail upstages Megan Fox. Transformers: Windows in disguise
Check your outputs, kids
15 Nov 11:39 | 21
Bootnotes
Still reeling from the Great Facebook Blackout of 2021? Turns out Zuck is not the worst offender
Uswitch's survey may surprise you – or not. Depends how much you like Reddit
11 Nov 15:00 | 4
Bootnotes
Ofcom announces plan to protect endangered species – the Great British phone box
BT is getting axe-happy but regulator's scheme could save 5,000 kiosks
10 Nov 11:45 | 32
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
One click, one goal, one mission: To get a one-touch flush solution
Gimme gimme gimme fried chicken
05 Nov 09:30 | 76
Bootnotes
Samsung releases pair of jeans that can't do anything except cover your legs and hold a Galaxy Z Flip 3
Who needs big pockets, right? Other than, you know, literally everyone
03 Nov 13:30 | 72
Video
Remember the 'guy in a jetpack' seen flying close to passenger jets? Probably just balloons, says FBI
Ah well, back to panicking over imaginary drones, then
03 Nov 04:06 | 23
Bootnotes
What a clock up: Brit TV-broadband giant Sky fails to pick up weekend's timezone change, fix due by Friday
We say GMT, you say BST, let's call the whole thing off
02 Nov 14:30 | 106
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
Remember when you thought fax machines were dead-matter teleporters? Ah, just me, then
No, things were NOT better in the past, so leave them there
29 Oct 10:38 | 132
Updated
Florida man accused of breaking Mastodon's open-source license with botched social network launch
Golf enthusiast given 30 days to cough up code
23 Oct 00:38 | 56
Bootnotes
'Windows 11 has been successfully downloaded,' says update for Xbox version of Microsoft Flight Simulator
What? No. Noooooooooooooooooo
21 Oct 16:12 | 16
Bootnotes
Facebook posts job ad for 10,000 'high-skilled' roles to 'build the metaverse' – and they'll all be based in the EU
Announcement uses the phrase 'world-leading' without referring to UK once
18 Oct 14:30 | 47
Popular
Updated
MySQL a 'pretty poor database' says departing Oracle engineer
PostgreSQL a better option for open source RDBMS, he claims
Science
China's Yutu rover spots 'mysterious hut' on far side of the Moon
Cube-shaped object is probably just a rock. Yutu will check it out anyway
Who, Me?
How to destroy expensive test kit: What does that button do?
Fidgety fingers and boredom = trouble
Opinion
The dark equation of harm versus good means blockchain’s had its day
Put crypto back in the crypt
On-Prem
Sun sets: Oracle to close Scotland's Linlithgow datacentre
Questions for tenants as Ellison's gang executes its OCI strategy
Servers
India reveals home-grown server that won't worry the leading edge
And a National Blockchain Strategy that calls for gov to host BaaS
Science
Galileo satnav system gets two new somewhat confusing satellites
Despite being the 27th and 28th launched, they're the first of a dozen first-gen birds
On-Prem
The Omicron dilemma: Google goes first on delaying office work
Hurrah, employees can continue to work from home and take calls in pyjamas
Off-Prem
Alibaba splits itself into Chinese and overseas ops
Seeks world domination through 'diversified business governance'
On-Prem
China to upgrade mainstream RISC-V chips every six months
Home-baked silicon is the way forward
STORIES
Bootnotes
Heart FM's borkfast show – a fine way to start your day
Jamie and Amanda have a new co-presenter to contend with
18 Oct 10:01 | 25
Bootnotes
Missouri governor demands prosecution of reporter for 'decoding HTML source code' and reporting a data breach
Salus populi suprema lex esto ... or perhaps not
15 Oct 19:31 | 105
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Windows terminates here. Please remember to finish setting it up on arrival
Washington Metro admin has taken an early lunch
15 Oct 17:17 | 24
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
All I want for Christmas is a delivery address that a delivery courier can find
Send me an SMS and I’ll tell you everything
15 Oct 09:28 | 157
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Mind your Ps and queues: Bork makes a visit to the A&E
Thanks Windows! Now this is the kind of hospital data-sharing we like to see...
14 Oct 09:15 | 19
Bootnotes
Macintosh Classic II and triceratops skull on auction: One's a dinosaur, the other has three horns on its face
Christie's 'Science and Natural History' collection isn't joking when it says it's 'a journey in time'
13 Oct 11:30 | 19
Bootnotes
Twitch increases bug bounty payouts after source code leak by... wait, is that it?
Reg reader sighs at 'Orwellian gig economy' sums
12 Oct 17:01 | 33
Bootnotes
Instagram is testing feature that tells panicking users the service is broken again
Have you tried reading books?
12 Oct 11:30 | 46
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Meatballs, Abba, and bork: 3 things Sweden is famous for
It's what The Chef would want
12 Oct 10:01 | 15
Bootnotes
US nuclear submarine bumps into unidentified underwater object in South China Sea
Definitely not another sub, oh no sir
08 Oct 19:55 | 101
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Confusion at Gare de Rennes as Windows shuffles off for a Gauloise
Je suis un bork star
04 Oct 10:47 | 20
Bootnotes
Maker of ATM bombing tutorials blew himself up – Euro cops
Vid filming ended in deadly disaster
02 Oct 07:10 | 155
Roundup
Danish artist pockets museum's cash and calls it art... and other stories
Another convocation of confusion from around the world that you may have missed
01 Oct 17:15 | 16
Bootnotes
Cheeky chappy rides horse around London filling station, singing: 'I don't need petrol 'cos he runs on carrots'
Yes, it's UK's turn for a fuel shortage
01 Oct 12:45 | 192
Bootnotes
US school districts blame Amazon for nationwide bus driver shortage
PA, MA bring in National Guard to plug gaps, while Boston teacher tells of stripper bus hired for school trip
29 Sep 17:47 | 91
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Years of development, millions of lines of code, and Android can't even run a toilet
I'll show you 'highly targeted'
29 Sep 11:34 | 70
Bootnotes
'Extraordinary' pigs step in to protect Schiphol airport from marauding geese
Plane-wrecking idiot fowl sent packing by heroic porcine defenders of commercial aviation
28 Sep 19:45 | 74
Bootnotes
A crypto-trading hamster is outperforming the S&P 500, Nasdaq, Bitcoin
As much as I wanted to be Gordon Gekko, I'll always be Mr Goxx
28 Sep 14:15 | 20
Bootnotes
Chocgate: The fallout. Partially taxpayer-funded £6k+ staff luxury treats land ICO in lukewarm water
But it's OK. What's it gonna do – fine itself?
28 Sep 11:20 | 25
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Take a look, and you'll see... Windows XP? Bit of Dairy Milk, Fruit and Bork at Cadbury World
It's quite the show at the OTHER chocolate factory
28 Sep 10:01 | 18
Bootnotes
Want to feel old? Aussie cyclist draws Nirvana baby in Strava on streets of Adelaide because Nevermind is 30
Meanwhile, Nirvana baby unchuffed about being Nirvana baby
27 Sep 12:13 | 38
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Parking is expensive. It can cost an arm, a leg, and a Windows licence
Activate Windows and put up a parking lot
24 Sep 11:29 | 11
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
Nothing works any more. Who decided that redundant systems should become redundant?
It'll all come out in the wash
24 Sep 09:14 | 115
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nah, it's just Windows suffering from a bit of vertigo
Up above the streets and houses, XP's flying high
23 Sep 09:15 | 11
Bootnotes
Angry birds ground some Google Wing drones in Australia
Between COVID and corvids, Canberrans can't catch a break
23 Sep 06:01 | 23
NSFW
Ofcom swears at the general public for five days during obscenity survey
'Warning: this report contains highly offensive language and discussion of content which may cause offence'
22 Sep 16:03 | 80
Bootnotes
Macmillan best-biscuit list unexpectedly promotes breakfast cereal to treat status
Inclusion of Weetabix in charity coffee accompaniment tweet creates predictable brewhaha
21 Sep 06:55 | 154
Bork!Bork!Bork!
A Burger King where the only Whopper is the BSOD font
Come for the bork, stay for the burger
20 Sep 18:15 | 13
Bootnotes
Punchy Biden-lookalike grandad goes viral for fighting boxing gadget
'If you don't get your timing right you get whacked round the back of the head' admits scrappy octogenarian
17 Sep 17:53 | 14
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Sometimes we all feel a bit like Shutting Down. So just imagine how tired Windows 7 is
So many stuck trains, so many cancellations. Giant blue screen of Nope, we salute you.
17 Sep 10:01 | 10
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
So I’ve scripted a life-saving routine. Pah. What really matters is the icon I give it
J’appuie sur le starter et voici que je quitte la terre
17 Sep 09:13 | 119
Updated
Bepanted shovel-toting farmer wins privacy payout from France TV
Unwitting star of #Slipgate viral images awarded reduced damages, tempts Streisand effect
16 Sep 17:10 | 21
Bootnotes
The Register speaks to one of the designers behind the latest Lego Ideas marvel: A clockwork solar system
Who needs a 3,000-piece orrery? We do, of course
15 Sep 09:13 | 44
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Running on empty, out of battery, power draining... three things the UK government definitely isn't. Oh no
Video connected – check. Plugged into the mains? Er...
14 Sep 09:00 | 15
Bootnotes
NYC subway SNAFU probably caused by someone turning it off accidentally, say reports
OK, so you're halfway there. Now have you tried switching the network back on again?
13 Sep 19:30 | 31
Bootnotes
Fortnite banana can appear in court naked says judge in Epic vs Apple legal footnote
Legal questions still remain over whether this judgment applies to all bananas or just that one
13 Sep 13:47 | 29
Roundup
This is not the tech unicorn you are looking for... and other stories
Another weekly digest of strangeness from around the world that you may have missed
12 Sep 09:46 | 19
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Music festivals are back in the UK. So is the background bork
Stage fright? Or the knowledge that Windows is lurking behind you
10 Sep 12:15 | 25
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
You walk in with a plan. You leave with GPS-tracking Nordic hiking poles. The same old story, eh?
Please hold me back from the discount aisle in case I buy a USB desk fan
10 Sep 09:15 | 116
Updated
SAP 'investigating' after viral video allegedly shows anti-mask employee coughing on shoppers
COVIDiot caught on film harassing others for following pandemic precautions
08 Sep 21:39 | 64
Bootnotes
Council culture: Software test leads to absurd local planning SNAFU
Swale Borough Council faced with hefty bill for junior IT hero's whimsical afternoon's work
08 Sep 16:01 | 75
Bork!Bork!Bork!
With a Lidl bit of luck, this Windows installation will make it through the night
Microsoft's finest just needs a nudge
08 Sep 10:02 | 13
Bootnotes
Italian stuntman flies aeroplane through two motorway tunnels
Sponsor Red Bull supposedly gives you wings, but that doesn't mean you have to use them everywhere
06 Sep 13:03 | 73
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Spraying a boot error up the bathroom wall
Taking the Pis in Paris
06 Sep 10:47 | 16
ROUNDUP
Virginia school board learns a hard lesson... and other stories
A confluence of recent confusion from around the world that you may have missed
05 Sep 08:15 | 44
Bootnotes
The unit of measure for fatbergs is not hippopotami, even if the operator of an Australian sewer says so
Thou shalt not infringe upon the Register Standards Soviet
02 Sep 12:27 | 102
Updated
Volkswagen to stop making its best-selling product for Wolfsburg workers: VW-branded sausages
Environmentally damaging old bangers to be replaced with greener veggie versions.. in 1 of its canteens, at least
01 Sep 13:46 | 84
Boatnotes
British naval food doesn't look half bad... so we're going to try it out for ourselves
Announcing the return of El Reg's Boatnotes series with the RN
27 Aug 13:28 | 46
Feature
The Register recreates Apollo 15 through the medium of plastic bricks, 50 years on
Building the missing spacecraft in Lego's NASA collection
27 Aug 09:28 | 27
Bootnotes
'No peeing towards Russia' sign appears on country's Arctic border with Norway
Don't poke the bear! Or urinate on it
26 Aug 16:31 | 58
Bootnotes
Oh the humanity: McDonald's out of milkshakes across Great Britain
Will this nightmare ever cease?
24 Aug 15:47 | 313
Bootnotes
Cop drone crashes into flight instructor's airplane
The plod needs a lesson in keeping air traffic controllers in the loop, it seems
23 Aug 23:44 | 30
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
Live, die, copy-paste, repeat: Everything is recycled now, including ideas
We can't rewind, we've gone too far
20 Aug 10:59 | 58
Bootnotes
Magna Carta mayhem: Protesters lay siege to Edinburgh Castle, citing obscure Latin text that has never applied in Scotland
Harry Potter and the Unstoppable Simpletons
18 Aug 10:32 | 231
Bork!Bork!Bork!
A Whopper of a bork for seekers of pre-flight nosh
BSODs should be scary, not soothing
17 Aug 08:29 | 28
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Please do not touch the exhibits – or this tabletop Windows Boot Manager
Microsoft's OS once again where it shouldn't be
16 Aug 11:20 | 8
NSFW
Tired: What3Words. Wired: A clone location-tracking service based on FOUR words – and they are all extremely rude
A tour of UK tech HQs courtesy of some saucy Anglo-Saxonisms
14 Aug 07:43 | 108
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Elevating bork to a new level (if the touchscreen worked)
Who needs pesky buttons when the Internet of Bork is here?
12 Aug 09:27 | 62
Bootnotes
Salesforce gets into the vid-streaming with original content caper, promises digital inspriation
Netflix and friends are probably safe as only shows revealed so far are fronted by staff or streamed from its own conference
12 Aug 07:57 | 3
Bootnotes
Naughty karaoke is China's next tech crackdown target
Work drinking culture also criticised in wake of Alibaba sex assault scandal
12 Aug 01:27 | 33
Poll
Chocolate beer barred from sale after child mistakes it for chocolate milk
Stout with a dash of chocolate powder – and very similar packaging – sent back to the drawing board
11 Aug 06:29 | 113
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Never Knowingly Underborked: Double trouble at Southampton's John Lewis
Unless that's an ad for American Megatrends?
10 Aug 08:29 | 11
Bootnotes
You can now live life like Paul Allen on Microsoft cofounder's luxury yacht for '£1m a week'
Anyone want to start a Kickstarter page for a Reg reader getaway?
09 Aug 17:03 | 41
Bootnotes
Woman sues McDonald's for $14 after cheeseburger ad did exactly what it's designed to
Orthodox Christian said mouth-watering banner made her break Lent fast
09 Aug 11:22 | 142
Bootnotes
SpaceX Starship struts its stack to show it has the right stuff
Combined with its Super Heavy booster, Starship stood briefly as the tallest rocket yet
07 Aug 10:26 | 89
Book review
Your Computer Is On Fire, but it will take much more than this book to put it out
Detailed diagnosis of tech industry delusion falls short of prescribing a cure
06 Aug 12:32 | 17
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
Q: Post-lockdown, where would I like to go? A: As far away from my own head as possible
About 238,855 miles would do the trick
06 Aug 09:27 | 71
Bootnotes
84-year-old fined €250,000 for keeping Nazi war machines – including tank – in basement
Spared prison but must give Panther and AA gun to collector or museum
04 Aug 11:27 | 306
Bootnotes
On this most auspicious of days, we ask: How many sysadmins does it take to change a lightbulb?
Protip: Don't treat the IT department like this if you value your life
30 Jul 12:15 | 63
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
You MUST present your official ID (but only the one that's really easy to fake)
I can show you my Three Widths swimming certificate if it helps
30 Jul 09:15 | 104
Bootnotes
Bill for HMS Vanity Gin Palace swells by £50m in two months
That's 0.25 DUPs!
29 Jul 18:04 | 32
Bootnotes
D'oh! Misplaced chair shuts down nuclear plant in Taiwan
Surprisingly a real-life scenario and not a plotline from The Simpsons
28 Jul 13:01 | 64
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Steam-powered computers: Retro cool or old and busted?
The silicon is weak, but the iron is strong
27 Jul 10:01 | 29
BORK!BORK!BORK!
The cockroach of Windows, XP, lives on in London's Victoria Coach Station
The three horsemen of the borkpocalypse: CMOS error, XP and... death
26 Jul 10:46 | 18
Bootnotes
Punchy Italian kartist gets 15-year ban for trackside rampage... and other stories
An unexpectedly vehicular collection of chaos and confusion for your consideration
23 Jul 19:01 | 23
Bootnotes
Anyone fancy a Snowmobile full of Bags O'Crap? It'll be on the list somewhere
Reg reader reveals colossal 821-item collection of Amazon trademarks tucked away on its site
23 Jul 16:02 | 27
Updated
Be careful what you inline: Defunct video-hosting domain used to inject smut flicks into news articles, more
From vid.me to f&*% me?!
22 Jul 23:30 | 23
Bootnotes
Facebook gardening group triumphs over slapdash Zuck censorbots
Giant news org megaphone persuades dim algos they're talking about the other sort of hoes
22 Jul 21:04 | 38
Rise of The Machines
Hijacked, rampaging infrastructure will kill humans by 2025 – Gartner
Ransomware efforts will inevitably lead to threats to life as attacks on OT go OTT
21 Jul 19:02 | 27
Roundup
Lawn care SWAT team subdues trigger-happy Texan... and other stories
A crunchy compendium of strangeness from around the globe
20 Jul 16:16 | 84
