Who, Me?
Thanks, boss. The accidental creation of a lights-out data centre – what a fun surprise
At least nobody said 'watch this!'
07 Jun 07:31 | 115
Columnists
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
How many remote controls do you really need? Answer: about a bowl-ful
I don’t care if the football’s on, we’ll have to watch whatever the TV wants us to
04 Jun 10:25 | 148
On Call
Today I shall explain how dual monitors work using the medium of interpretive dance
You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!
04 Jun 07:30 | 150
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Nobody expects the borkish bank-wisition: When I said I wanted some notes from the ATM, I never thought I'd see...
...the vast emptiness of Notepad
28 May 11:30 | 16
Bork!Bork!Bork!
Nature is healing: Shhh. It's a lesser spotted Pi Bork nesting behind the bushes at IKEA
Hålp, I äm stuck in emergency möde
25 May 11:44 | 25
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
Your private data has been nabbed: Please update your life as soon as possible while we deflect responsibility
Because our golf-obsessed boss has wandered off fondling his balls
14 May 08:30 | 86
Columnists
Beijing steps on Alibaba's Ant Group by forcing it to submit to same regulation as banks
Requires Alipay to open to competition but stops short of ordering company break up
13 Apr 05:57 | 9
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
How to ensure your tech predictions catch on in a flash? Do the mash
All inventions should be demonstrated by a puppet doing a Tommy Cooper impression
09 Apr 09:07 | 70
Who, Me?
A floppy filled with software worth thousands of francs: Techie can't take it, customs won't keep it. What to do?
Halt and catch fire
05 Apr 09:22 | 177
Something for the Weekend, Sir?
Easily distracted by too many apps, too many meetings, and too much asparagus
Nothing like a steaming bowl of freshly picked spaghetti
02 Apr 10:07 | 75
On Call
Yep, you're totally unique: That one very special user and their very special problem
Register reader finds that some Apple fans are... not very bright?
02 Apr 08:04 | 196
Column
A Code War has replaced The Cold War. And right now we’re losing it
There’s always someone to blame for bad infosec, but never a willingness to make meaningful change
10 Mar 08:02 | 81
Stob
Stob's vital message to Britain's IT nation: And no, it's not about that
It's actually another Huawei down the 5G antennas
01 Apr 09:00 | 28
Stob
Verity Stob is 'Disgusted of HG Wells': Time, gentlemen, please
Drinking the Kool-Aid outside the box
28 Jan 10:45 | 58
Stob
In Rust We Trust: Stob gets behind the latest language craze
My, what beautiful curly braces you have
27 Nov 09:04 | 114
Stob
The Pi who loved me: Licensed to SSL
Wherein Verity is troubled by a curious spam
16 Jul 08:05 | 29
Stob
Programmers' Question Time: Tiptoe through the tuples
Addressing the pro-horticulture/anti-nerdiculture bias
23 May 09:15 | 38
Stob
Everyday doings of a metropolitan techie: Stob's software diary
Chronicles of Delphi scribe podcasts, er, scribbles her musings
23 Jan 09:14 | 52
Stob
That Old Time 2018 IT songbook: Verity, Verity - give us your lyrics, do! We're half crazy, all for the love of you
It's sing-along-a-Stob time
14 Nov 10:18 | 20
Stob
30-up: You know what? Those really weren't the days
Happy anniversary, readers, from the original Git it girl
20 Sep 09:24 | 143
Popular
Legal
Amazon exec's husband jailed for two years for insider trading. Yes, with Amazon stock
Couple now definitely past their Prime
On Call
We don't know why it's there, we don't know what it does – all we know is that the button makes everything OK again
It must be working, look at the LED
AI + ML
Google says its artificial intelligence is faster and better than humans at laying out chips for artificial intelligence
OK, we see where this is going
Updated
AWS Frankfurt experiences major breakdown that staff couldn’t fix for hours due to ‘environmental conditions’ on data centre floor
Cloud colossus says aircon fail caused kit to shut down, networks dropped out and EC2 instances went dark
Security
FBI paid renegade developer $180k for backdoored AN0M chat app that brought down drug underworld
From hidden master keys to pineapples stuffed with Bolivian marching powder — this story has it all
Security
Intel's latest patch set plugs some serious holes in CPU, Bluetooth, server, and – ironically – security lines
Reports through Chipzilla's bug bounty scheme growing, but still in the minority
Updated
Global Fastly outage takes down many on the wibbly web – but El Reg remains standing
'Potential impact to performance' drops some of the world's biggest websites offline
Feature
It's completely unsupportable. Yes, we mean your brand new system
The problem started when those ridiculous users ... oh, hang on. It started in the IT department
OSes
Linus Torvalds tells kernel list poster to 'SHUT THE HELL UP' for saying COVID-19 vaccines create 'new humanoid race'
'Any Linux discussion list isn't going to have your idiotic drivel pass uncontested from me'
Patch Tuesday
Extra urgency in June's Patch Tuesday: Microsoft warns six more bugs are being exploited
Adobe, Intel, SAP, Android emit vulnerability fixes, too
STORIES
Stob
The harbingers of Doomwatch: Quist is quite the quasi-Quatermass
Bug behaviour in the wild
21 May 08:51 | 36
Stob
There are 10 types of people in the world, but there is only one Melvyn
Verity puts a Bragg in your shell-like
28 Mar 08:05 | 42
Devops
2001: A Stob Odyssey
Open the chuffing pod bay doors yourself, Dave
28 Nov 10:57 | 22
Stob
Programming in the Middle Ages: Docker makes a lovely pair of trousers
Lest we forget
19 Sep 09:14 | 56
Stob
Miss Misery on hacking Mr Robot and the Missing Sense of Fun
He's both the sharpest tool AND two spanners short
28 Mar 09:00 | 88
Stob
Seven pet h8s: Verity is sorely vexed
Where's pocket Bjarne Stroustrup when you need him?
20 Jan 10:03 | 57
STOB
Brexit at the next junction: Verity's guide to key post-vote skills
Breaking up is hard to do
26 Sep 08:59 | 75
Stob
Washed out summer? Fear ye not: DVDs for DevOps droogs
Virtual box sets for REAL IT pros
26 Jul 08:27 | 23
Stob
The Sons of Kahn and the Witch of Wookey
Verily, they did make support for the Internet of Things
20 May 08:40 | 48
Stob
Alice, Bob and Verity, too. Yeah, everybody's got a story, pal
Bus bore claims saucy crypto bragging rights
07 Mar 13:04 | 45
Stob
Learn you Func Prog on five minute quick!
I remember the Monoids; they came before the Cybermen
13 Jan 12:34 | 138
Stob
A Bombe Called Christopher, or A Very Poor Imitation
Verity publishes the real script of Turing biopic The Imitation Game
26 Jan 13:08 | 59
Stob
V. R. R. Stob's magnificent saga A Game Of Dog-and-Bones
GUARANTEED no elves and hardly any violence. Or incest
18 Dec 09:00 | 26
Stob
Today's bugs have BRANDS? Be still my bleeding heart [logo]
Code-slinger Verity reviews the rash of groovy-named open-source security vulns
01 May 07:02 | 108
Stob
Eight EXCELLENT languages for the fondleslab-friendly Intranet of Thingies
Shifting software paradigms and so forth
20 Jan 10:01 | 54
Stob
Three Men in a Tardis
Verity has discovered a pre-Doctor Doctor Who episode
12 Nov 13:23 | 35
