The top-selling iTunes albums and singles of the year are out, with much therein to irk the curmudgeon at whom very little of this commercial music is aimed.
The five ear-bothering songs which sold the most were (cue Fluff Freeman countdown jingle):
5) 'Dynamite' – Bouncy R'n'B by Taio Cruz.
4) 'Airplanes' – Wistful R'n'B crossover by B.o.B featuring satsuma-haired emo heroine and topless Twitterer Hayley Williams.
3) 'Love the Way You Lie' – Intense R'n'B/hip hop intensitude from Eminem and Rihanna, with video featuring Megan Fox on fire.
2) 'California Gurls' – Shouty cupcake pop froth by Katy Perry-now-Brand which sounds nothing like skank queen Ke$ha's 'Tik Tok' (number 8).
1) 'Hey, Soul Sister' – a song by Train. Who are called Train.
Albums wise, the list goes like this:
5) Speak Now – Taylor Swift (forever associated with Kanye West)
4) Need You Now – Lady Antebellum (not to be confused with Lady Gaga)
3) The Fame – Lady Gaga (not to be confused with Lady Antebellum)
2) Animal – Ke$ha (not to be confused with Katy Perry)
1) Recovery – Eminem (blimey)
Apple hasn't provided sales figures, so you can only muse on how many millions of people shelled out for each of these and how alone you are in the world, etc.
If you want to vote for your least unfavourite records of the year, hie ye to iTunes' snappily named Best Album and Song site.
We suggest that the best single of the year by a long and silly stretch is Yolanda Be Cool's magnificently daft dance doohickey 'We No Speak Americano', while the album of most goodness is probably something like The Defamation of Strickland Banks by Plan B (sort of a bit like a male Amy Winehouse, if you want to be reductive about it, and we do – and actually 'Stay Too Long' is the best single of the year, if only because it could totally beat up 'We No Speak Americano', which has biceps like poached eggs).
Those tunes and LPs shown the most love will be crowned the People's Choice album or single of the year. You can only choose from a limited selection, naturally, so those wanting to subvert the process and get Chas'n'Dave crowned kings of the world's favourite tune-jail may be disappointed. ®